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thank you

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[Music]

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foreign

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foreign

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foreign

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[Music]

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greetings and salutations friends and

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welcome back I am here with you on a

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special occasion of sorts to uh talk

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about and celebrate 120 days sober no

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alcohol for 120 days and uh we're

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calling this the alcohol Diaries and I

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thought it was important perhaps

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for others as well

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experiencing problems I've talked to

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many many people who like me their

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alcohol increase or excuse me alcohol

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use increased dramatically over the

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pandemic and lockdowns and mine sure did

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and it started becoming a very unhealthy

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huge problem for me

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and for those uh not affected by this uh

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it's probably still no surprise to you

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that

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um a huge use of alcohol can create many

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problems in your life and I believe

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both physical and psychological and

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mental problems uh of course it causes

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uh on the physical side I had gained

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something like 20 pounds and uh for

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those who've known me for a long time

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especially in my real life I've always

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been known to be like

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you know stick thin suddenly I'm

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sporting a huge

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spare tire walking around looking uh not

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very good

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um but honestly the appearance part of

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it is the least of the issues that that

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can cause

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uh increased weight and especially

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increased fat percentage in your body

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can lead to many other serious chronic

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illnesses

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and in my case it was starting to really

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take its toll I was feeling lethargic I

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wasn't getting things done I was being

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extremely lazy as one is

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probably uh you should expect someone to

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be lazy when they put on an extra 20

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pounds and all they do is sit around

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their house eating uh food not very good

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for them and drinking constantly and

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that's kind of where I found myself now

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I've done a lot of thinking about

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just why maybe uh that alcohol use

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increased so much and I'm sure I can

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blame some of it on the pandemic after

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all it was a scary time for many of us I

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had uh close friends and people that I

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knew in the real world who were dropping

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dead from this thing

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and I myself became something of a

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germaphobe

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and uh had a real hard time dealing with

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all of this

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so that was certainly part of it it

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could also I could blame part of it on

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the

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frustration and lack of income maybe as

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the pandemic destroyed my business as it

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did many small business owners

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um

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but you know uh I suppose I had always

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probably drank too much but not to that

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excess as I was during the pandemic

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never had been an all-day drinker all

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not all day I should say everyday

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Drinker is what I mean

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uh you know and during the pandemic well

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you know I have no work to do

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businesses in the [\h__\h]

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government's not helping you know that

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in fact the government became a source

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of frustration for many small business

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owners because it was the government

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telling us that we could not do business

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or the restrictions around everything

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that made doing business nearly

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impossible

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so like many

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um my business was just completely

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still haven't returned to pre-pandemic

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levels and never will

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um and then I was equally frustrated by

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the fact that other things that I would

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do

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uh to make up for lack of uh you know a

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good income week in business I used to

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Uber if I was having a tough week

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financially I would just go Uber two or

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three nights and make up the difference

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couldn't do that or I could but I'd be

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putting my life in my hands or at least

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that's what I thought at the time so I

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didn't do that

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um

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and I suppose like many you know

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um the pandemic also I'm sure put a lot

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of stress on people's relationships and

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marriages I'm sure I'm not the only

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person

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who may have felt like

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um their marriage was strained during

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this time after all

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it's a stressful time for both you and

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your significant other or spouse you're

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both dealing with all this extra stress

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maybe a little quicker to argue quicker

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to have problems in your marriage

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and also you you could be

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uh for those people Married with

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Children we have to remember that the

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schools shut down

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so many people were faced with uh you

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know having to provide

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care for their children 24 7 for an

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indefinite amount of time I remember

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that there seemed to be one point where

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there was no clear concise even uh

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understanding of when schools would

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reopen you know like maybe next year

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schools will be open so great I have to

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do this for a year somehow I'm supposed

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to just move on and uh you know not be

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affected with a business that's

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destroyed no income now I've got to take

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care of both of my children all day and

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all night for the foreseeable future

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this of course uh stressed me out

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tremendously and I

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was deeply affected by that stress

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usually

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you know

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stress is a part of life you learn to

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deal with those I always say I roll with

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the punches and keep going

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but uh huge blow uh I was about to say

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to a man it's a huge blow to anybody to

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have their income just destroyed and

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gone and and now uh what are you

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supposed to do

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and then add the stress of the children

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and you know uh because of the pandemic

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situation

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I remember there was a time when I

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couldn't even take my kids to the local

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park

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uh that wasn't allowed so you're sitting

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in your house with a business that's

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destroyed no income and now you have

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your children 24 7 on top of it

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um you know I try to make the best of it

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with my children and

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um we did what we had to do which is

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that homeschooling but

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yeah some of you know that I have a

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special needs child and uh you can

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imagine trying to keep a special needs

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child on a tablet for hours and hours a

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day it just doesn't work and uh I

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remember getting really pissed off both

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my wife and I got really pissed off

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because there's some like 30 children in

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my in my son's class and every day for

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the virtual classes the only person that

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showed up was my son with me uh and of

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course I have to sit right next to him

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the entire time and I have to he tries

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to run out of the room we have to lock

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the door to keep him in the room with

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the tablet he didn't want to do it and

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he would have screaming fit meltdowns uh

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because he didn't want to do it and uh I

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can't say that I blame him and he was

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the only one that showed up out of uh 30

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students on most of the days and made me

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wonder what what would they do if if

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Zachary didn't show up because we'd show

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up to these virtual classes and there'd

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be something like four teachers or two

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teachers and two aides or something on

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the other end of the webcam you know

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and I was extremely frustrated by that

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my younger son had a little easier time

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on it because he didn't mind so much

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doing the the virtual classes but still

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uh somehow I'm supposed to keep two

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children on a on a

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on a tablet for hours and hours a day it

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was really really stressful and I was so

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happy and delighted when they were going

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back to school still I was a little bit

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concerned about the germs and the you

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know whatever but I I was thanking God

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that at least they would be not required

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you know I didn't have to chain them to

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a tablet for another year

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um very very stressful time but I I'm

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certain that I can't blame all of the

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all of that and the stress of the

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pandemic on my uh increased consumption

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of alcohol I'm sure some of it was pure

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selfishness

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I had done a lot of notes and uh reading

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and thinking about this situation

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and I have determined that I selfishly

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always made alcohol a reward you know

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like today sucked let's drink it off uh

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you know bad things happen today let's

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drink and forget about them of course

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none of this ever works but alcohol

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became sort of release an escape and a

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a reward for me having a bad day drink a

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12 pack that'll make it better it

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doesn't but somehow in the mind of an

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alcoholic it would or it could

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where it did

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and no it only compounds the problems it

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only uh

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it only also uh delays a solution for

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those problems when you're drinking

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heavily you're not solving problems

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you're escaping from those problems for

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as long as possible until you absolutely

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positively have to deal with those

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problems

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and uh that's something that I've

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learned

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so

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um views be damned today we're still

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going to broadcast this uh what I think

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is important

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um like we got a lot of great feedback

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from our last uh installment of this

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series the alcohol Diaries 90 days sober

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now we're up to 120 days actually it's

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127 days today

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so

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changed since the 90-day check-in that

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um I will say this and we should talk

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about this

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from zero to 90 days

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I had very little cravings

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for alcohol I had very little you know a

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couple of times I one time I especially

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I drove I was having a really bad day

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bad things happened I was getting more

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and more pissed off oh and uh let me

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make a note here to talk about triggers

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triggers are important what what is it

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that triggers people to drink and

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especially drink to excess and I've

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learned what mine are and some of them

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are surprising and uh you may be

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surprised by some of the things that

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will trigger some people with drinking

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problems

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um but back to this change so from zero

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to 90 days I had very little very strong

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Cravings I was not constantly thinking

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about drinking or obsessed with drinking

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occasionally the thought would enter my

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mind like

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boy it'd be nice to have a drink or a

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few drinks or 10 drinks or 20 drinks

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today especially when I was experiencing

281
00:15:47,689 --> 00:15:46,019
what many would consider not that bad a

282
00:15:50,870 --> 00:15:47,699
day but I would consider a bad day

283
00:15:53,569 --> 00:15:50,880
everything is relative of course so uh

284
00:15:55,610 --> 00:15:53,579
from zero to 90 days only one time was

285
00:15:57,889 --> 00:15:55,620
it really really did I have a very

286
00:16:00,949 --> 00:15:57,899
strong craving and tough time and

287
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:00,959
continued to uh and really had a problem

288
00:16:06,650 --> 00:16:03,240
in fact on that day I drove to the bar

289
00:16:09,230 --> 00:16:06,660
and I sat at a bar that sold takeout

290
00:16:11,990 --> 00:16:09,240
um I was never one for bars occasionally

291
00:16:14,629 --> 00:16:12,000
but not you know not I was not a social

292
00:16:16,670 --> 00:16:14,639
Drinker I was I drink alone kind of a

293
00:16:20,269 --> 00:16:16,680
person which is a problem in and of

294
00:16:23,509 --> 00:16:20,279
itself of course so one day

295
00:16:25,790 --> 00:16:23,519
during the zero to 90 day phase of this

296
00:16:28,129 --> 00:16:25,800
uh abstinence from alcohol I drove to

297
00:16:30,350 --> 00:16:28,139
the bar and I sat in my car for

298
00:16:33,050 --> 00:16:30,360
uh no exaggeration had to be 20 minutes

299
00:16:35,930 --> 00:16:33,060
or a half hour just thinking about going

300
00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:35,940
in and getting the alcohol

301
00:16:39,230 --> 00:16:37,740
you know I was going to buy a 12 pack or

302
00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:39,240
whatever I was going to do

303
00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:41,880
uh or actually to make sure that I got

304
00:16:45,769 --> 00:16:43,380
good and drunk that day I was going to

305
00:16:48,530 --> 00:16:45,779
go in and have four or five beers in the

306
00:16:50,030 --> 00:16:48,540
bar and then buy a 12 pack to make sure

307
00:16:53,150 --> 00:16:50,040
that you know

308
00:16:54,470 --> 00:16:53,160
I drank to completion or to probably

309
00:16:56,329 --> 00:16:54,480
passing out

310
00:16:58,550 --> 00:16:56,339
and I sat there for a good 20 minutes

311
00:17:00,769 --> 00:16:58,560
thinking about the uh

312
00:17:04,370 --> 00:17:00,779
thinking about going in and doing that

313
00:17:06,829 --> 00:17:04,380
and I had this you know uh insane battle

314
00:17:09,169 --> 00:17:06,839
with myself you know your logical side

315
00:17:11,270 --> 00:17:09,179
tries to take over and say like if you

316
00:17:12,829 --> 00:17:11,280
do that you're just gonna regret it and

317
00:17:15,650 --> 00:17:12,839
then you got to start the counter all

318
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:15,660
over again you'll feel like you left

319
00:17:20,510 --> 00:17:17,880
down you let down the people who are

320
00:17:23,390 --> 00:17:20,520
cheering you on doing so well without

321
00:17:27,230 --> 00:17:23,400
alcohol many many things went through my

322
00:17:29,150 --> 00:17:27,240
mind but I didn't do it I did not go in

323
00:17:30,730 --> 00:17:29,160
I did not have any drinks I didn't

324
00:17:33,770 --> 00:17:30,740
purchase any alcohol

325
00:17:37,970 --> 00:17:33,780
I drove my car home

326
00:17:40,190 --> 00:17:37,980
and I uh was thankful that I was able to

327
00:17:43,070 --> 00:17:40,200
resist the temptation of that very very

328
00:17:44,210 --> 00:17:43,080
that one was terrible very very strong

329
00:17:46,789 --> 00:17:44,220
craving

330
00:17:48,890 --> 00:17:46,799
as I recall I even got out of my car and

331
00:17:52,370 --> 00:17:48,900
started walking to the bar from the

332
00:17:54,230 --> 00:17:52,380
parking lot twice then said no go back

333
00:17:58,310 --> 00:17:54,240
to the car think about this before you

334
00:18:01,250 --> 00:17:58,320
do it you know terrible day uh as far as

335
00:18:03,409 --> 00:18:01,260
Cravings are concerned so from zero to

336
00:18:07,490 --> 00:18:03,419
ninety I only had that one really bad

337
00:18:11,710 --> 00:18:07,500
that one was bad and uh I got through it

338
00:18:15,830 --> 00:18:11,720
but I have to say that now this

339
00:18:19,850 --> 00:18:15,840
92 what we're at now which is 127 days I

340
00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:19,860
have had many many many more uh terribly

341
00:18:25,970 --> 00:18:23,460
bad Cravings to drink and uh that

342
00:18:28,270 --> 00:18:25,980
overwhelming obsessive thoughts

343
00:18:31,370 --> 00:18:28,280
hours and hours of arguing with myself

344
00:18:33,770 --> 00:18:31,380
at least I can say I've I haven't yet

345
00:18:35,990 --> 00:18:33,780
gotten in the car and went to the bar

346
00:18:40,010 --> 00:18:36,000
during these strong craving periods but

347
00:18:42,409 --> 00:18:40,020
I have been experiencing them now uh on

348
00:18:45,289 --> 00:18:42,419
in retrospect some of this may be due to

349
00:18:47,390 --> 00:18:45,299
the fact that I have stopped going to

350
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:47,400
Alcoholics Anonymous meetings

351
00:18:52,310 --> 00:18:50,640
and maybe on reflection that might have

352
00:18:54,470 --> 00:18:52,320
been a mistake there's something about

353
00:18:57,470 --> 00:18:54,480
these AAA meetings well we can talk

354
00:18:58,669 --> 00:18:57,480
about AAA here's what I could say there

355
00:19:00,529 --> 00:18:58,679
are some things about Alcoholics

356
00:19:03,409 --> 00:19:00,539
Anonymous that I found extremely helpful

357
00:19:05,210 --> 00:19:03,419
and uh many kind people there who have

358
00:19:06,470 --> 00:19:05,220
similar issues to you that you can

359
00:19:09,230 --> 00:19:06,480
relate with

360
00:19:12,169 --> 00:19:09,240
but there is a certain culty aspect of

361
00:19:14,930 --> 00:19:12,179
it that I did not like and after a while

362
00:19:17,150 --> 00:19:14,940
I just said I I I actually I never

363
00:19:20,090 --> 00:19:17,160
consciously said I'm not I'm going to

364
00:19:22,789 --> 00:19:20,100
stop going I just sort of did uh so for

365
00:19:26,690 --> 00:19:22,799
the past 30 days I haven't gone

366
00:19:27,710 --> 00:19:26,700
um or more 30 37 or so days I haven't

367
00:19:31,610 --> 00:19:27,720
gone

368
00:19:33,890 --> 00:19:31,620
and that may be part of why I'm

369
00:19:36,710 --> 00:19:33,900
experiencing these issues maybe because

370
00:19:38,810 --> 00:19:36,720
when you go to the AAA meeting you get

371
00:19:42,049 --> 00:19:38,820
constantly reminded of the consequences

372
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:42,059
of what happens if you do what they call

373
00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:45,360
picking up going and buying alcohol and

374
00:19:51,350 --> 00:19:47,280
uh I hadn't had that constant reminder

375
00:19:52,850 --> 00:19:51,360
for 37 days so maybe my mind is now uh

376
00:19:54,710 --> 00:19:52,860
playing tricks on me and having an

377
00:19:56,690 --> 00:19:54,720
easier time playing tricks on me because

378
00:19:59,390 --> 00:19:56,700
I can't push those thoughts out as

379
00:20:01,430 --> 00:19:59,400
quickly as I could while I was attending

380
00:20:04,730 --> 00:20:01,440
constant meetings every day

381
00:20:06,950 --> 00:20:04,740
uh well not constant one or two a day uh

382
00:20:08,210 --> 00:20:06,960
usually I would go five times a week at

383
00:20:09,950 --> 00:20:08,220
least

384
00:20:12,830 --> 00:20:09,960
um but like I said there was something

385
00:20:15,409 --> 00:20:12,840
there's something culty about uh

386
00:20:17,690 --> 00:20:15,419
Alcoholics Anonymous uh you know they

387
00:20:20,150 --> 00:20:17,700
say we have the only solution and I

388
00:20:21,770 --> 00:20:20,160
don't know about that and they they may

389
00:20:23,570 --> 00:20:21,780
or maybe it's just that they force you

390
00:20:24,770 --> 00:20:23,580
to confront things that you'd rather not

391
00:20:27,710 --> 00:20:24,780
confront

392
00:20:30,409 --> 00:20:27,720
and we can go through uh some of the

393
00:20:32,330 --> 00:20:30,419
things that I've problems maybe that

394
00:20:36,289 --> 00:20:32,340
I've had uh

395
00:20:38,810 --> 00:20:36,299
the 12 steps I I maybe the other problem

396
00:20:40,909 --> 00:20:38,820
In fairness to Alcoholics Anonymous uh

397
00:20:44,029 --> 00:20:40,919
because hey I've done great and and they

398
00:20:52,310 --> 00:20:44,039
were a big part of help for me early on

399
00:20:57,529 --> 00:20:55,310
yeah my wife is saying 120 days sober

400
00:20:59,630 --> 00:20:57,539
but still nasty I've just been having

401
00:21:02,390 --> 00:20:59,640
these issues I had these children all

402
00:21:04,610 --> 00:21:02,400
day and uh right before broadcast they

403
00:21:06,710 --> 00:21:04,620
all start screaming and making huge

404
00:21:08,510 --> 00:21:06,720
amounts of noise and for those unaware

405
00:21:10,850 --> 00:21:08,520
I'm getting hammered in the comments by

406
00:21:12,950 --> 00:21:10,860
these audio files uh you know I'm gonna

407
00:21:14,870 --> 00:21:12,960
literally I'm gonna make a bumper about

408
00:21:17,450 --> 00:21:14,880
the fact that I have a wife and children

409
00:21:18,770 --> 00:21:17,460
in my house so that I don't you know

410
00:21:21,590 --> 00:21:18,780
small children

411
00:21:23,630 --> 00:21:21,600
uh but that won't stop them uh you know

412
00:21:24,470 --> 00:21:23,640
people are going to complain no matter

413
00:21:26,810 --> 00:21:24,480
what

414
00:21:28,610 --> 00:21:26,820
these audio files though I just don't

415
00:21:30,950 --> 00:21:28,620
want to give them an excuse to [\h__\h] and

416
00:21:32,570 --> 00:21:30,960
moan and complain so somebody was like

417
00:21:34,909 --> 00:21:32,580
empty in the bathtub and then the

418
00:21:38,750 --> 00:21:34,919
microphone it sounded like a Hollywood

419
00:21:39,770 --> 00:21:38,760
sound effect it was so loud you know and

420
00:21:45,070 --> 00:21:39,780
uh

421
00:21:51,770 --> 00:21:48,890
so back to Al Clark's Anonymous I have

422
00:21:53,810 --> 00:21:51,780
uh decided I'm gonna start going back

423
00:21:56,390 --> 00:21:53,820
tomorrow will be my first meeting in a

424
00:21:58,250 --> 00:21:56,400
while I'm going tomorrow night uh or

425
00:22:01,430 --> 00:21:58,260
tomorrow afternoon depending on my

426
00:22:04,010 --> 00:22:01,440
schedule I have some other things to do

427
00:22:05,810 --> 00:22:04,020
um and we can talk about the fact the

428
00:22:10,190 --> 00:22:05,820
other thing is that In fairness to

429
00:22:13,730 --> 00:22:10,200
Alcoholics Anonymous I may have

430
00:22:16,130 --> 00:22:13,740
you know not done it right uh I never

431
00:22:17,289 --> 00:22:16,140
shared uh you know for those unaware you

432
00:22:19,190 --> 00:22:17,299
go to a

433
00:22:22,370 --> 00:22:19,200
Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and

434
00:22:24,049 --> 00:22:22,380
everybody shares I'm not a Sherry kind

435
00:22:28,490 --> 00:22:24,059
of you know I didn't share I would just

436
00:22:31,070 --> 00:22:28,500
listen uh never shared uh maybe I should

437
00:22:33,770 --> 00:22:31,080
I don't know but talking about my

438
00:22:37,190 --> 00:22:33,780
problems in front of a bunch of

439
00:22:39,169 --> 00:22:37,200
strangers didn't seem to appeal to me

440
00:22:40,310 --> 00:22:39,179
in fact even going to the meetings and

441
00:22:42,649 --> 00:22:40,320
hearing a bunch of other people's

442
00:22:44,210 --> 00:22:42,659
problems really didn't appeal to me but

443
00:22:46,310 --> 00:22:44,220
there is something about Alcoholics

444
00:22:49,310 --> 00:22:46,320
Anonymous for many many people it works

445
00:22:52,909 --> 00:22:49,320
and and I kind of think who am I to

446
00:22:54,950 --> 00:22:52,919
argue with uh what works for millions of

447
00:22:58,250 --> 00:22:54,960
people and what has worked for millions

448
00:22:59,810 --> 00:22:58,260
of people is the 12 steps and Alcoholics

449
00:23:03,830 --> 00:22:59,820
Anonymous

450
00:23:05,510 --> 00:23:03,840
so um here are the 12 Steps uh we

451
00:23:07,549 --> 00:23:05,520
admitted we were powerless over alcohol

452
00:23:10,190 --> 00:23:07,559
that our lives have become unmanageable

453
00:23:12,350 --> 00:23:10,200
uh and I'm gonna talk about each one so

454
00:23:14,270 --> 00:23:12,360
this one I didn't have any problem with

455
00:23:16,610 --> 00:23:14,280
obviously my life had become

456
00:23:19,010 --> 00:23:16,620
unmanageable and I couldn't stop

457
00:23:21,409 --> 00:23:19,020
drinking every day or I wouldn't have

458
00:23:22,730 --> 00:23:21,419
sought out help number two came to

459
00:23:25,490 --> 00:23:22,740
believe that a power greater than

460
00:23:26,870 --> 00:23:25,500
ourselves could restore us to sanity uh

461
00:23:29,390 --> 00:23:26,880
some of you know I was raised Christian

462
00:23:31,850 --> 00:23:29,400
I'm somewhat uh still Christian and

463
00:23:35,870 --> 00:23:31,860
spiritual so I had no problem with this

464
00:23:37,970 --> 00:23:35,880
one of course God is all-powerful and if

465
00:23:40,370 --> 00:23:37,980
if you're experiencing a problem in your

466
00:23:43,970 --> 00:23:40,380
life I have no problem believing that

467
00:23:46,730 --> 00:23:43,980
God uh could restore us to sanity

468
00:23:49,070 --> 00:23:46,740
uh number three made our made a decision

469
00:23:50,710 --> 00:23:49,080
to turn our will and our lives over to

470
00:23:53,750 --> 00:23:50,720
the care of God as we understood him

471
00:23:56,330 --> 00:23:53,760
this I had no problem with as well I had

472
00:23:58,070 --> 00:23:56,340
experienced other very difficult hard

473
00:24:01,010 --> 00:23:58,080
times in my life when I turned to God

474
00:24:03,289 --> 00:24:01,020
for strength guidance assistance and

475
00:24:05,450 --> 00:24:03,299
help so I had no problem with that

476
00:24:07,930 --> 00:24:05,460
number four made a searching and

477
00:24:10,970 --> 00:24:07,940
fearless moral inventory of ourselves

478
00:24:13,130 --> 00:24:10,980
that's where I'm stuck yeah I don't even

479
00:24:15,890 --> 00:24:13,140
know what I'm supposed to do with that

480
00:24:18,409 --> 00:24:15,900
but more on that later

481
00:24:20,390 --> 00:24:18,419
five admitted to God to ourselves and to

482
00:24:21,470 --> 00:24:20,400
another human being the exact nature of

483
00:24:22,730 --> 00:24:21,480
our wrongs

484
00:24:24,710 --> 00:24:22,740
six

485
00:24:27,289 --> 00:24:24,720
we're entirely ready to have God remove

486
00:24:29,210 --> 00:24:27,299
all these defects of character seven

487
00:24:30,470 --> 00:24:29,220
humbly ask him to remove our

488
00:24:32,930 --> 00:24:30,480
shortcomings

489
00:24:34,370 --> 00:24:32,940
eight here's a step I've always had a

490
00:24:36,830 --> 00:24:34,380
problem with made a list of all the

491
00:24:40,250 --> 00:24:36,840
persons we had harmed and became willing

492
00:24:44,690 --> 00:24:42,770
now of course this is just not

493
00:24:46,370 --> 00:24:44,700
anybody that you've ever heard in your

494
00:24:48,169 --> 00:24:46,380
life though I'm sure you can certainly

495
00:24:49,789 --> 00:24:48,179
include those I I believe this is

496
00:24:52,370 --> 00:24:49,799
supposed to refer to the people that

497
00:24:53,930 --> 00:24:52,380
you've hurt through your substance abuse

498
00:24:56,270 --> 00:24:53,940
or drinking

499
00:24:58,010 --> 00:24:56,280
and uh I don't even I don't even know

500
00:25:00,110 --> 00:24:58,020
where to begin with that one like you

501
00:25:02,690 --> 00:25:00,120
know uh I've gotten in a fist fight one

502
00:25:04,549 --> 00:25:02,700
in my younger years drunk do I find that

503
00:25:07,130 --> 00:25:04,559
guy and apologize for punching him in

504
00:25:09,409 --> 00:25:07,140
the face drunk and uh does he even

505
00:25:11,630 --> 00:25:09,419
remember that I was drunk at 20 years

506
00:25:14,330 --> 00:25:11,640
old and punched him in his face and

507
00:25:16,310 --> 00:25:14,340
bloodied his nose I I don't know how do

508
00:25:19,970 --> 00:25:16,320
I find that guy these are the problems

509
00:25:21,830 --> 00:25:19,980
that I had with AA but In fairness I

510
00:25:23,450 --> 00:25:21,840
never sought out a sponsor and I

511
00:25:25,310 --> 00:25:23,460
probably should do that because the

512
00:25:27,710 --> 00:25:25,320
sponsor is there to answer these type of

513
00:25:30,230 --> 00:25:27,720
questions I never had a sponsor so I was

514
00:25:31,250 --> 00:25:30,240
just left puzzled with how to handle

515
00:25:34,250 --> 00:25:31,260
these

516
00:25:37,250 --> 00:25:34,260
for me it seemed to be nearly impossible

517
00:25:38,390 --> 00:25:37,260
steps and also on step eight I don't I

518
00:25:41,630 --> 00:25:38,400
don't

519
00:25:43,370 --> 00:25:41,640
all the people I harmed or could have

520
00:25:45,230 --> 00:25:43,380
harmed you know you can start with your

521
00:25:47,230 --> 00:25:45,240
own family the things that you screwed

522
00:25:49,250 --> 00:25:47,240
up while you were supposed to be

523
00:25:51,049 --> 00:25:49,260
responsible and doing things for your

524
00:25:52,669 --> 00:25:51,059
family maybe you screwed things up for

525
00:25:53,930 --> 00:25:52,679
your wife your children that I have no

526
00:25:58,010 --> 00:25:53,940
problem with but

527
00:25:59,810 --> 00:25:58,020
you know uh what about everyone else I'm

528
00:26:01,490 --> 00:25:59,820
certain that there's a huge list of

529
00:26:03,950 --> 00:26:01,500
people that I may have harmed while

530
00:26:05,269 --> 00:26:03,960
under the influence of alcohol I don't

531
00:26:07,310 --> 00:26:05,279
know how to find them all I don't know

532
00:26:10,130 --> 00:26:07,320
what to say to them all I don't know if

533
00:26:12,590 --> 00:26:10,140
I would cause more harm than good and

534
00:26:14,750 --> 00:26:12,600
that leads us to step number nine made

535
00:26:17,269 --> 00:26:14,760
to recommend to such people wherever

536
00:26:19,250 --> 00:26:17,279
possible except when to do so would

537
00:26:20,750 --> 00:26:19,260
injure them or others and that's another

538
00:26:23,149 --> 00:26:20,760
thing like how do you know that you're

539
00:26:25,909 --> 00:26:23,159
not going to do more harm than good and

540
00:26:28,130 --> 00:26:25,919
again these are probably questions that

541
00:26:30,529 --> 00:26:28,140
I should find a sponsor and and work

542
00:26:33,529 --> 00:26:30,539
through with the sponsor number nine

543
00:26:36,230 --> 00:26:33,539
made uh or number 10 continue to take

544
00:26:38,450 --> 00:26:36,240
personal inventory and where we were

545
00:26:40,730 --> 00:26:38,460
wrong promptly admitted it now that's a

546
00:26:43,070 --> 00:26:40,740
problem for a lot of people nobody likes

547
00:26:44,930 --> 00:26:43,080
admitting they're wrong

548
00:26:46,789 --> 00:26:44,940
um and I'm certain I struggle with that

549
00:26:49,669 --> 00:26:46,799
but I'm willing to do that one that when

550
00:26:52,850 --> 00:26:49,679
I don't have a huge problem with

551
00:26:55,070 --> 00:26:52,860
um yeah 11 sought through prayer and

552
00:26:57,529 --> 00:26:55,080
meditation to improve our conscious

553
00:26:59,750 --> 00:26:57,539
contact with God as we understood him

554
00:27:02,269 --> 00:26:59,760
praying only for knowledge

555
00:27:04,310 --> 00:27:02,279
of his will for us and the power to

556
00:27:06,409 --> 00:27:04,320
carry that out

557
00:27:08,390 --> 00:27:06,419
um yeah that one I have no problem with

558
00:27:09,890 --> 00:27:08,400
it because as I said before at various

559
00:27:12,110 --> 00:27:09,900
times during my life I was having a

560
00:27:14,649 --> 00:27:12,120
tough time and I did seek out God for

561
00:27:17,630 --> 00:27:14,659
help guidance assistance

562
00:27:19,970 --> 00:27:17,640
and support you know

563
00:27:22,010 --> 00:27:19,980
number 12 having had a spiritual

564
00:27:26,510 --> 00:27:22,020
awakening as a result of these steps we

565
00:27:28,730 --> 00:27:26,520
try to carry this message to alcoholics

566
00:27:31,130 --> 00:27:28,740
and to practice these principles in all

567
00:27:34,010 --> 00:27:31,140
of our Affairs and this one I don't

568
00:27:38,029 --> 00:27:34,020
really have a problem with but I do a

569
00:27:40,130 --> 00:27:38,039
little bit because let's say for example

570
00:27:42,950 --> 00:27:40,140
that I go through all these steps and I

571
00:27:45,529 --> 00:27:42,960
feel that I have cured from any

572
00:27:47,029 --> 00:27:45,539
um any issues with alcohol or substance

573
00:27:49,970 --> 00:27:47,039
abuse or whatever

574
00:27:52,090 --> 00:27:49,980
uh is it really my place to push what

575
00:27:55,789 --> 00:27:52,100
worked for me onto others that are

576
00:27:58,669 --> 00:27:55,799
having the same issues according to the

577
00:28:00,950 --> 00:27:58,679
AAA philosophy it is my place it is uh

578
00:28:03,950 --> 00:28:00,960
it is a calling that you have to take

579
00:28:07,310 --> 00:28:03,960
this message to those still suffering

580
00:28:09,710 --> 00:28:07,320
uh with this with similar issues

581
00:28:11,029 --> 00:28:09,720
and uh I don't know I always felt a

582
00:28:13,130 --> 00:28:11,039
little weird about getting involved with

583
00:28:15,409 --> 00:28:13,140
other people's problems now certainly if

584
00:28:18,409 --> 00:28:15,419
somebody were to reach out to me and ask

585
00:28:20,330 --> 00:28:18,419
me say Stephen I heard that you're 120

586
00:28:22,070 --> 00:28:20,340
days sober can we talk and what what

587
00:28:24,529 --> 00:28:22,080
worked for you because I'm struggling

588
00:28:26,390 --> 00:28:24,539
hell yes I would talk to anybody

589
00:28:28,909 --> 00:28:26,400
uh that is struggling with similar

590
00:28:31,370 --> 00:28:28,919
issues but for me to just take it upon

591
00:28:33,350 --> 00:28:31,380
myself to start interjecting my solution

592
00:28:35,630 --> 00:28:33,360
to other people's problems

593
00:28:37,370 --> 00:28:35,640
well the AAA solution

594
00:28:40,490 --> 00:28:37,380
that's where I felt it got a little bit

595
00:28:43,730 --> 00:28:40,500
culty and and I don't know but again I

596
00:28:45,710 --> 00:28:43,740
in in full fairness to the program I

597
00:28:48,470 --> 00:28:45,720
found it to be extremely extremely

598
00:28:50,510 --> 00:28:48,480
helpful in the beginning uh in the

599
00:28:52,970 --> 00:28:50,520
beginning you're uh

600
00:28:54,190 --> 00:28:52,980
not drinking and a little confused about

601
00:28:57,169 --> 00:28:54,200
everything

602
00:28:59,930 --> 00:28:57,179
that meeting every day at least gives

603
00:29:01,730 --> 00:28:59,940
you at least gives you some kind of

604
00:29:05,810 --> 00:29:01,740
structure you know like I'm gonna go

605
00:29:08,570 --> 00:29:05,820
here work on myself work on my ability

606
00:29:10,669 --> 00:29:08,580
to stay sober work on the problems that

607
00:29:12,890 --> 00:29:10,679
I'm experiencing and I did that just by

608
00:29:15,409 --> 00:29:12,900
listening to other people and for those

609
00:29:17,450 --> 00:29:15,419
unaware an AAA meeting really does go

610
00:29:20,090 --> 00:29:17,460
like you know a bunch of people sitting

611
00:29:22,510 --> 00:29:20,100
around and and people sharing

612
00:29:25,970 --> 00:29:22,520
the difficulties that they're having

613
00:29:28,430 --> 00:29:25,980
continuing to abstain from alcohol

614
00:29:30,529 --> 00:29:28,440
but often it degenerates into people

615
00:29:33,490 --> 00:29:30,539
telling stories of how bad their lives

616
00:29:37,430 --> 00:29:33,500
were while they were still using alcohol

617
00:29:38,930 --> 00:29:37,440
and uh those are things that I don't

618
00:29:41,630 --> 00:29:38,940
know I guess we could all relate to

619
00:29:44,750 --> 00:29:41,640
those of us with similar issues so maybe

620
00:29:45,590 --> 00:29:44,760
that's helpful just being reminded of

621
00:29:48,110 --> 00:29:45,600
the

622
00:29:50,330 --> 00:29:48,120
sort of shenanigans that take place when

623
00:29:54,830 --> 00:29:50,340
you're drinking and partying a lot and

624
00:29:56,810 --> 00:29:54,840
yeah so I uh I at both times I I have

625
00:29:59,090 --> 00:29:56,820
found the AAA to be extremely helpful

626
00:30:00,590 --> 00:29:59,100
but then it's sort of puzzling I don't

627
00:30:02,990 --> 00:30:00,600
understand this

628
00:30:06,110 --> 00:30:03,000
um some of these steps

629
00:30:08,210 --> 00:30:06,120
um I I don't understand also like how

630
00:30:11,810 --> 00:30:08,220
long am I supposed to spend on each step

631
00:30:14,990 --> 00:30:11,820
and again I have this uh I have this

632
00:30:17,510 --> 00:30:15,000
book they call it the big blue book part

633
00:30:20,649 --> 00:30:17,520
of me if I'm out of frame for one moment

634
00:30:26,389 --> 00:30:23,870
terribly unprepared so they call this

635
00:30:29,090 --> 00:30:26,399
the Big Blue Book

636
00:30:30,230 --> 00:30:29,100
this is Alcoholics Anonymous the Big

637
00:30:33,590 --> 00:30:30,240
Blue Book

638
00:30:37,430 --> 00:30:33,600
and uh I'm sure I'm sure there's some

639
00:30:40,310 --> 00:30:37,440
answers in this book but I haven't read

640
00:30:44,090 --> 00:30:40,320
the whole thing so uh

641
00:30:45,769 --> 00:30:44,100
um I have uh homework to do which is

642
00:30:48,049 --> 00:30:45,779
reading this

643
00:30:49,870 --> 00:30:48,059
Big Blue Book

644
00:30:53,149 --> 00:30:49,880
um and I guess I have a lot of questions

645
00:30:55,730 --> 00:30:53,159
about Alcoholics Anonymous and uh I'm

646
00:30:58,250 --> 00:30:55,740
having uh

647
00:31:00,409 --> 00:30:58,260
this come this book was given to me by

648
00:31:05,690 --> 00:31:00,419
the way by the Light Of Hope

649
00:31:13,430 --> 00:31:09,310
I want to thank them for that so

650
00:31:16,010 --> 00:31:13,440
AAA for me has been a lot of help but

651
00:31:19,250 --> 00:31:16,020
also a lot of puzzling questions that

652
00:31:21,590 --> 00:31:19,260
sort of remain unanswered and to be

653
00:31:23,690 --> 00:31:21,600
clear a lot of that is my own fault

654
00:31:26,029 --> 00:31:23,700
maybe I'm too shy sitting in a group

655
00:31:28,310 --> 00:31:26,039
with a bunch of strangers to go excuse

656
00:31:29,889 --> 00:31:28,320
me I don't understand this [\h__\h] and I

657
00:31:32,090 --> 00:31:29,899
should

658
00:31:34,850 --> 00:31:32,100
nobody's going to fault me for being

659
00:31:38,870 --> 00:31:34,860
confused or they're all very nice people

660
00:31:41,210 --> 00:31:38,880
there in my experience I have met many

661
00:31:43,850 --> 00:31:41,220
many very kind people there

662
00:31:45,230 --> 00:31:43,860
I don't think anybody would uh fault me

663
00:31:47,870 --> 00:31:45,240
for uh

664
00:31:49,010 --> 00:31:47,880
asking questions for saying uh I don't

665
00:31:55,010 --> 00:31:49,020
understand

666
00:31:57,289 --> 00:31:55,020
spend on each of them and so

667
00:31:59,269 --> 00:31:57,299
I think one of the points of a is to

668
00:32:01,490 --> 00:31:59,279
work through all the steps but if I'm

669
00:32:03,289 --> 00:32:01,500
confused about the steps and how to do

670
00:32:05,510 --> 00:32:03,299
them or how long to spend on each of

671
00:32:09,110 --> 00:32:05,520
them I'm not getting through the steps

672
00:32:11,990 --> 00:32:09,120
so I'm sort of stuck in place uh

673
00:32:13,850 --> 00:32:12,000
yeah and uh John Griffin says Steve you

674
00:32:16,490 --> 00:32:13,860
made 120 don't be too hard on yourself

675
00:32:18,590 --> 00:32:16,500
yeah I'm not being too hard on myself

676
00:32:20,389 --> 00:32:18,600
Aaron says this is kind of like a

677
00:32:23,570 --> 00:32:20,399
meeting yeah and I'm the only one

678
00:32:25,490 --> 00:32:23,580
sharing but we'll have time for everyone

679
00:32:27,130 --> 00:32:25,500
else and I will certainly take questions

680
00:32:30,590 --> 00:32:27,140
and comments

681
00:32:33,409 --> 00:32:30,600
uh yeah

682
00:32:36,889 --> 00:32:33,419
read the spiritual exercises of Saint

683
00:32:38,510 --> 00:32:36,899
Ignatius it's all it's all there I'm

684
00:32:43,029 --> 00:32:38,520
gonna make a note of that right now

685
00:32:50,090 --> 00:32:47,810
exercises of Saint Ignatius

686
00:32:52,070 --> 00:32:50,100
I've never heard of that before Patty

687
00:32:53,649 --> 00:32:52,080
but I'm going to look that up I can work

688
00:32:56,210 --> 00:32:53,659
on that see that's the other thing

689
00:32:58,669 --> 00:32:56,220
abstaining from alcohol gives you uh

690
00:33:01,669 --> 00:32:58,679
plenty of homework to do to keep it

691
00:33:03,169 --> 00:33:01,679
going moonlik says I can assist you

692
00:33:05,570 --> 00:33:03,179
Stephen if you would like yes I would

693
00:33:07,669 --> 00:33:05,580
like the inbox me and we can talk off

694
00:33:09,590 --> 00:33:07,679
there about Mike the questions and

695
00:33:14,210 --> 00:33:09,600
concerns that I have and the problems

696
00:33:18,470 --> 00:33:16,549
um since quitting alcohol there has been

697
00:33:21,350 --> 00:33:18,480
many many benefits for me one of them

698
00:33:23,269 --> 00:33:21,360
has been better problem solving and less

699
00:33:24,830 --> 00:33:23,279
procrastination

700
00:33:26,930 --> 00:33:24,840
um when I was drinking I would put off

701
00:33:29,210 --> 00:33:26,940
solving problems because why should I

702
00:33:31,850 --> 00:33:29,220
solve those problems today I can just

703
00:33:35,870 --> 00:33:31,860
drink you know 15 beers and escape from

704
00:33:38,990 --> 00:33:35,880
those problems and then I can uh deal

705
00:33:41,690 --> 00:33:39,000
with them when I have to not when I

706
00:33:43,070 --> 00:33:41,700
should or when I need to

707
00:33:44,630 --> 00:33:43,080
um there's something about being a

708
00:33:47,630 --> 00:33:44,640
drinker you just kind of procrastinate

709
00:33:49,909 --> 00:33:47,640
on things you know and um

710
00:33:53,269 --> 00:33:49,919
personal goals always seem to get pushed

711
00:33:55,430 --> 00:33:53,279
back for me like well I was too hungover

712
00:33:57,169 --> 00:33:55,440
this week five days out of the week so I

713
00:33:59,509 --> 00:33:57,179
didn't get those projects done during

714
00:34:01,549 --> 00:33:59,519
the day I'll do them next week then you

715
00:34:03,190 --> 00:34:01,559
drink more next week and

716
00:34:05,930 --> 00:34:03,200
it's the next week

717
00:34:08,329 --> 00:34:05,940
now I have gotten better at trying to

718
00:34:10,310 --> 00:34:08,339
solve problems when they arise instead

719
00:34:12,169 --> 00:34:10,320
of procrastinating on them worrying

720
00:34:14,690 --> 00:34:12,179
about them escaping from them in a

721
00:34:17,510 --> 00:34:14,700
bottle or whatever

722
00:34:20,210 --> 00:34:17,520
another note that I made is better

723
00:34:23,930 --> 00:34:20,220
overall health

724
00:34:27,050 --> 00:34:23,940
um I feel great for the most part you

725
00:34:30,530 --> 00:34:27,060
know last weekend at the cabin I stacked

726
00:34:32,570 --> 00:34:30,540
two tons of firewood by myself and uh

727
00:34:35,270 --> 00:34:32,580
that was a lot of bending over and a lot

728
00:34:38,930 --> 00:34:35,280
of carrying and a lot of heavy stuff and

729
00:34:42,169 --> 00:34:38,940
uh my body was beaten and badly bruised

730
00:34:43,609 --> 00:34:42,179
and my hands too I learned a lesson

731
00:34:45,889 --> 00:34:43,619
which is that you should always wear

732
00:34:47,750 --> 00:34:45,899
work gloves when you're stacking two

733
00:34:49,609 --> 00:34:47,760
tons of firewood who would have guessed

734
00:34:52,250 --> 00:34:49,619
all that Wood Rough against your hands

735
00:34:53,810 --> 00:34:52,260
would scratch your hands all up and my

736
00:34:58,270 --> 00:34:53,820
hands are killing me my back's still

737
00:35:03,470 --> 00:35:01,609
but in general I feel like I have much

738
00:35:06,349 --> 00:35:03,480
better overall health

739
00:35:09,650 --> 00:35:06,359
I'm able to tackle a lot more physical I

740
00:35:11,150 --> 00:35:09,660
have a note here physical projects I'm

741
00:35:13,490 --> 00:35:11,160
able to tackle a lot more physical

742
00:35:15,170 --> 00:35:13,500
projects probably due to the fact that

743
00:35:17,089 --> 00:35:15,180
I'm not hungover so much when you're

744
00:35:20,030 --> 00:35:17,099
hungover and nobody feels like stacking

745
00:35:21,890 --> 00:35:20,040
two tons of firewood honestly I didn't

746
00:35:24,470 --> 00:35:21,900
feel like stacking two tons of firewood

747
00:35:27,349 --> 00:35:24,480
sober but I had a lot better chance of

748
00:35:29,150 --> 00:35:27,359
getting it done when I woke up unhung

749
00:35:32,270 --> 00:35:29,160
over you know

750
00:35:34,490 --> 00:35:32,280
So Physical projects are not as big of a

751
00:35:37,790 --> 00:35:34,500
dread for me they don't take as long I'm

752
00:35:40,970 --> 00:35:37,800
able to get work on these tasks and get

753
00:35:43,609 --> 00:35:40,980
them finished and

754
00:35:45,950 --> 00:35:43,619
I have another note here feeling more

755
00:35:48,050 --> 00:35:45,960
accomplished and accomplishing more

756
00:35:50,630 --> 00:35:48,060
things I'm just able to do more things

757
00:35:53,690 --> 00:35:50,640
because I'm not wasting time on the

758
00:35:56,690 --> 00:35:53,700
recovery hangover days

759
00:35:58,670 --> 00:35:56,700
um there was a time I'm sure not long

760
00:36:00,230 --> 00:35:58,680
ago last year where I might have drank

761
00:36:02,270 --> 00:36:00,240
too much at the cabin the night before

762
00:36:04,849 --> 00:36:02,280
and then woke up too late and I didn't

763
00:36:07,010 --> 00:36:04,859
get that two tons of firewood stacked

764
00:36:09,530 --> 00:36:07,020
because I felt like [\h__\h] the next day

765
00:36:10,849 --> 00:36:09,540
and again we'd get back to the

766
00:36:12,349 --> 00:36:10,859
procrastination then I would say well

767
00:36:14,630 --> 00:36:12,359
I'll do it next weekend

768
00:36:16,490 --> 00:36:14,640
I just won't drink as much the night

769
00:36:18,770 --> 00:36:16,500
before or whatever

770
00:36:21,050 --> 00:36:18,780
um so physical projects are not

771
00:36:24,109 --> 00:36:21,060
taking as long I'm getting more

772
00:36:25,790 --> 00:36:24,119
accomplished uh all good news on that

773
00:36:30,170 --> 00:36:25,800
front

774
00:36:32,810 --> 00:36:30,180
I also have a no digestion issues no

775
00:36:36,170 --> 00:36:32,820
more bad digestion heartburn

776
00:36:38,150 --> 00:36:36,180
stomach aches and more when I was

777
00:36:40,250 --> 00:36:38,160
drinking obviously you have bad

778
00:36:40,970 --> 00:36:40,260
digestion

779
00:36:42,530 --> 00:36:40,980
um

780
00:36:44,270 --> 00:36:42,540
I don't think it's good to drink all

781
00:36:46,910 --> 00:36:44,280
that alcohol can't be good for your gut

782
00:36:49,970 --> 00:36:46,920
your intestines anything to drink that

783
00:36:53,690 --> 00:36:49,980
much alcohol beverages

784
00:36:57,050 --> 00:36:53,700
um at least to the excess that I was so

785
00:36:59,630 --> 00:36:57,060
I guess it feels good for me lately uh

786
00:37:02,450 --> 00:36:59,640
it feels like there's nothing

787
00:37:04,790 --> 00:37:02,460
nothing going on I'm not getting

788
00:37:07,310 --> 00:37:04,800
heartburn all the time

789
00:37:11,750 --> 00:37:09,470
um and I have a note here healthier

790
00:37:13,670 --> 00:37:11,760
choices so since quitting drinking I am

791
00:37:17,030 --> 00:37:13,680
making healthier choices I have a much

792
00:37:20,089 --> 00:37:17,040
better diet I'm avoiding processed foods

793
00:37:20,990 --> 00:37:20,099
and I'm on a low carb diet

794
00:37:23,810 --> 00:37:21,000
um

795
00:37:26,450 --> 00:37:23,820
no more drunk eating when I would drink

796
00:37:28,970 --> 00:37:26,460
I would eat anything once drunk I would

797
00:37:33,109 --> 00:37:28,980
eat pizza cheese steaks uh McDonald's

798
00:37:35,630 --> 00:37:33,119
whatever anything tacos Taco Bell

799
00:37:37,370 --> 00:37:35,640
any any food you could get after you're

800
00:37:40,190 --> 00:37:37,380
already drunk because remember drunk

801
00:37:41,990 --> 00:37:40,200
logic if you eat after you're good and

802
00:37:44,450 --> 00:37:42,000
pissed drunk you'll feel better the next

803
00:37:46,790 --> 00:37:44,460
day so just put anything in your stomach

804
00:37:49,370 --> 00:37:46,800
no matter how terrible it is for your

805
00:37:51,410 --> 00:37:49,380
for your body I ate a lot of garbage

806
00:37:53,750 --> 00:37:51,420
food drunk eating so no more drunk

807
00:37:56,089 --> 00:37:53,760
eating for me that's a plus

808
00:37:59,930 --> 00:37:56,099
the end

809
00:38:02,510 --> 00:37:59,940
I have so far lost 15 pounds and uh

810
00:38:05,870 --> 00:38:02,520
that's with very little change mostly

811
00:38:08,390 --> 00:38:05,880
just better diet I um

812
00:38:10,069 --> 00:38:08,400
I'm doing a little bit more exercise and

813
00:38:12,710 --> 00:38:10,079
certainly the physical project at the

814
00:38:14,569 --> 00:38:12,720
cabin I'm sure are helping but uh like

815
00:38:16,609 --> 00:38:14,579
many people I joined the gym three weeks

816
00:38:19,250 --> 00:38:16,619
ago still haven't gone once yet I'm

817
00:38:20,990 --> 00:38:19,260
working on that hopefully uh this week I

818
00:38:23,930 --> 00:38:21,000
will start hitting the gym

819
00:38:28,130 --> 00:38:23,940
but I lost 15 pounds and that's mostly

820
00:38:31,190 --> 00:38:28,140
all fat from the spare tire here

821
00:38:33,470 --> 00:38:31,200
I'm looking better I'm feeling better

822
00:38:36,050 --> 00:38:33,480
I'm sure certain that I was starting to

823
00:38:38,630 --> 00:38:36,060
get some uh

824
00:38:40,849 --> 00:38:38,640
self-esteem issues from looking like a

825
00:38:44,329 --> 00:38:40,859
fat guy

826
00:38:47,569 --> 00:38:44,339
and uh that has slowly started to go

827
00:38:50,569 --> 00:38:47,579
away I still have a ways to go maybe 10

828
00:38:51,290 --> 00:38:50,579
pounds still I don't know

829
00:38:53,510 --> 00:38:51,300
um

830
00:38:55,370 --> 00:38:53,520
you know what's funny is I asked my

831
00:38:57,050 --> 00:38:55,380
medical doctor

832
00:38:59,750 --> 00:38:57,060
how much more weight should I lose

833
00:39:01,430 --> 00:38:59,760
what's my ideal weight and he looked at

834
00:39:03,530 --> 00:39:01,440
me and he just goes just put a shirt on

835
00:39:06,290 --> 00:39:03,540
nobody can see that and I go that's not

836
00:39:08,750 --> 00:39:06,300
what I'm asking what is the healthy

837
00:39:10,069 --> 00:39:08,760
weight that I should be at it goes well

838
00:39:11,750 --> 00:39:10,079
it's different for all people then he

839
00:39:13,490 --> 00:39:11,760
looks at me and again he goes it's not

840
00:39:15,290 --> 00:39:13,500
that bad you're fine right now you don't

841
00:39:16,569 --> 00:39:15,300
really need to lose weight I'm like no I

842
00:39:19,010 --> 00:39:16,579
still have

843
00:39:21,230 --> 00:39:19,020
I still think that my body fat

844
00:39:23,450 --> 00:39:21,240
percentage has got to be too high due to

845
00:39:25,910 --> 00:39:23,460
the remainder of the spare tire here

846
00:39:28,310 --> 00:39:25,920
then get a straight answer from him I'm

847
00:39:30,950 --> 00:39:28,320
gonna do some research and see what I

848
00:39:31,970 --> 00:39:30,960
should be at now I'm six foot three so

849
00:39:35,450 --> 00:39:31,980
uh

850
00:39:37,550 --> 00:39:35,460
whatever whatever healthy weight should

851
00:39:40,190 --> 00:39:37,560
be for a six foot three man that's what

852
00:39:42,410 --> 00:39:40,200
I want to go for

853
00:39:48,290 --> 00:39:42,420
um I don't want to go too far and be

854
00:39:52,250 --> 00:39:51,349
so lost 15 pounds mostly all fat spare

855
00:39:55,790 --> 00:39:52,260
tire

856
00:39:58,550 --> 00:39:55,800
slowly melting that's going away

857
00:40:00,710 --> 00:39:58,560
as far as the mental benefits there has

858
00:40:03,290 --> 00:40:00,720
certainly been increased Focus increased

859
00:40:05,990 --> 00:40:03,300
energy increased productivity and output

860
00:40:08,390 --> 00:40:06,000
I'm able to do more things I have more

861
00:40:10,730 --> 00:40:08,400
energy to do more things and I have a

862
00:40:13,310 --> 00:40:10,740
tremendous more amount of ability to

863
00:40:16,550 --> 00:40:13,320
focus on a given task and and finish

864
00:40:19,130 --> 00:40:16,560
tasks before starting new ones or giving

865
00:40:21,589 --> 00:40:19,140
up on a task you know when I was

866
00:40:23,210 --> 00:40:21,599
drinking heavily before I would sort of

867
00:40:24,950 --> 00:40:23,220
try to get something accomplished or

868
00:40:27,530 --> 00:40:24,960
done and then if it became too difficult

869
00:40:29,270 --> 00:40:27,540
or problems arose I would just give up I

870
00:40:31,790 --> 00:40:29,280
would check out and go drink then worry

871
00:40:34,970 --> 00:40:31,800
about it the next day not doing that now

872
00:40:38,150 --> 00:40:34,980
I have that the an incredible amount of

873
00:40:40,550 --> 00:40:38,160
increased focus and ability to get more

874
00:40:42,470 --> 00:40:40,560
things done

875
00:40:44,930 --> 00:40:42,480
um now I just have this note here things

876
00:40:46,730 --> 00:40:44,940
got tougher after hitting 90 days bad

877
00:40:49,670 --> 00:40:46,740
Cravings more thoughts about drinking

878
00:40:51,410 --> 00:40:49,680
yeah so after the 90 days

879
00:40:54,290 --> 00:40:51,420
um I started having a whole lot more

880
00:40:55,670 --> 00:40:54,300
thoughts about drinking and I still even

881
00:40:56,810 --> 00:40:55,680
today

882
00:41:00,410 --> 00:40:56,820
um

883
00:41:02,150 --> 00:41:00,420
today I had my kids who were not not the

884
00:41:05,870 --> 00:41:02,160
best today they were having they were

885
00:41:07,310 --> 00:41:05,880
fighting a lot screaming carrying on

886
00:41:08,390 --> 00:41:07,320
um and I was thinking about drinking

887
00:41:12,109 --> 00:41:08,400
again

888
00:41:14,810 --> 00:41:12,119
and uh I didn't and I won't but I've

889
00:41:18,650 --> 00:41:14,820
noticed that the the change from 90 to

890
00:41:20,569 --> 00:41:18,660
120 days at least for me has been a

891
00:41:22,609 --> 00:41:20,579
dramatic increase in thoughts about

892
00:41:25,490 --> 00:41:22,619
drinking and

893
00:41:28,670 --> 00:41:25,500
um I find myself thinking you did 90

894
00:41:31,010 --> 00:41:28,680
days you can do 90 days again you know

895
00:41:33,770 --> 00:41:31,020
you can have some drinks and you'll be

896
00:41:36,589 --> 00:41:33,780
fine and you can go back to uh mostly

897
00:41:38,270 --> 00:41:36,599
not drinking when you're done and but I

898
00:41:41,329 --> 00:41:38,280
don't want to do that at least not just

899
00:41:44,630 --> 00:41:41,339
yet so I've sort of committed that I'm

900
00:41:47,630 --> 00:41:44,640
gonna hit another 60 days here which

901
00:41:51,650 --> 00:41:47,640
will put me at six months sober

902
00:41:55,250 --> 00:41:51,660
um I'm determined to do that so I I feel

903
00:41:57,170 --> 00:41:55,260
like my resolve is incredibly strong

904
00:41:58,130 --> 00:41:57,180
that these

905
00:42:00,050 --> 00:41:58,140
um

906
00:42:01,910 --> 00:42:00,060
cravings and thoughts about drinking are

907
00:42:04,490 --> 00:42:01,920
not going to affect me I'm not going to

908
00:42:08,210 --> 00:42:04,500
keep I've just decided I'm not caving

909
00:42:09,530 --> 00:42:08,220
for uh at least until I hit 180 days I'm

910
00:42:12,890 --> 00:42:09,540
not caving

911
00:42:16,250 --> 00:42:12,900
and that resolve feels good like I feel

912
00:42:19,089 --> 00:42:16,260
strong in my commitment to not drink for

913
00:42:23,270 --> 00:42:19,099
the next 60 or so days

914
00:42:26,150 --> 00:42:23,280
53 days but who's counting

915
00:42:28,490 --> 00:42:26,160
another note I had here is a return to

916
00:42:31,970 --> 00:42:28,500
spiritual practices maybe it's AAS

917
00:42:32,990 --> 00:42:31,980
pushing you towards God maybe it's my

918
00:42:36,589 --> 00:42:33,000
own

919
00:42:38,390 --> 00:42:36,599
um maybe it's the increased Clarity that

920
00:42:41,810 --> 00:42:38,400
is brought about by the lack of alcohol

921
00:42:43,849 --> 00:42:41,820
clouding your judgment and your mind but

922
00:42:46,790 --> 00:42:43,859
I have found myself returning to

923
00:42:48,650 --> 00:42:46,800
spiritual and religious practices I'm

924
00:42:52,130 --> 00:42:48,660
reading a spiritual text

925
00:42:55,190 --> 00:42:52,140
almost every day I'm trying to meditate

926
00:42:58,069 --> 00:42:55,200
I'm trying to pray but not pray for me

927
00:43:00,710 --> 00:42:58,079
pray for others other people in need

928
00:43:02,569 --> 00:43:00,720
have been praying for Ukraine and people

929
00:43:06,770 --> 00:43:02,579
suffering throughout the world those

930
00:43:09,170 --> 00:43:06,780
hungry those without homes people

931
00:43:11,030 --> 00:43:09,180
affected by the the hurricanes in

932
00:43:13,370 --> 00:43:11,040
Florida

933
00:43:15,890 --> 00:43:13,380
um in any case I've got to return to

934
00:43:17,569 --> 00:43:15,900
spiritual practices and I feel like I

935
00:43:19,390 --> 00:43:17,579
have a better relationship with that

936
00:43:22,550 --> 00:43:19,400
higher power

937
00:43:25,490 --> 00:43:22,560
and whatever your interpretation of that

938
00:43:28,849 --> 00:43:25,500
higher power is God's Source the great

939
00:43:30,710 --> 00:43:28,859
spirit whatever you want to call it uh

940
00:43:32,809 --> 00:43:30,720
Heavenly Father

941
00:43:35,390 --> 00:43:32,819
I have a feel like I have a better

942
00:43:37,550 --> 00:43:35,400
relationship with that right now

943
00:43:39,589 --> 00:43:37,560
uh while I was drinking it was in kind

944
00:43:43,370 --> 00:43:39,599
of a dark place could care less about

945
00:43:46,190 --> 00:43:43,380
God the universe you know the Angels

946
00:43:48,890 --> 00:43:46,200
Devils didn't matter to me I was in a

947
00:43:51,170 --> 00:43:48,900
dark place and felt somewhat abandoned

948
00:43:53,450 --> 00:43:51,180
so uh didn't have a good relationship

949
00:43:55,270 --> 00:43:53,460
with God or or spirituality for that

950
00:43:58,849 --> 00:43:55,280
time

951
00:44:01,370 --> 00:43:58,859
so uh I have realized too I I just have

952
00:44:02,690 --> 00:44:01,380
a note here on my triggers now one of my

953
00:44:06,349 --> 00:44:02,700
triggers is

954
00:44:09,650 --> 00:44:06,359
uh anger anger is a big trigger to drink

955
00:44:12,050 --> 00:44:09,660
for me so uh I've been playing uh

956
00:44:14,809 --> 00:44:12,060
Incredible Hulk lately you know like

957
00:44:18,109 --> 00:44:14,819
don't make me angry

958
00:44:19,730 --> 00:44:18,119
I I just you have to realize what is

959
00:44:22,490 --> 00:44:19,740
those things that trigger you to drink

960
00:44:25,730 --> 00:44:22,500
and I must have been a pretty angry

961
00:44:28,730 --> 00:44:25,740
drunk because and I'm sure I was but uh

962
00:44:29,690 --> 00:44:28,740
anger getting pissed off is one of those

963
00:44:31,970 --> 00:44:29,700
things

964
00:44:34,250 --> 00:44:31,980
uh that would trigger me to drink and

965
00:44:36,349 --> 00:44:34,260
usually it would be something like you

966
00:44:38,390 --> 00:44:36,359
know the world is so unfair

967
00:44:40,790 --> 00:44:38,400
uh I've worked so hard on this business

968
00:44:41,750 --> 00:44:40,800
and uh announcing the [\h__\h] because of

969
00:44:45,470 --> 00:44:41,760
this

970
00:44:47,329 --> 00:44:45,480
stupid government nonsense and and these

971
00:44:48,349 --> 00:44:47,339
rich [\h__\h] They Don't Care About Us

972
00:44:53,089 --> 00:44:48,359
and

973
00:44:53,990 --> 00:44:53,099
gonna go drink

974
00:44:56,329 --> 00:44:54,000
um

975
00:44:58,849 --> 00:44:56,339
and let me see

976
00:45:01,609 --> 00:44:58,859
also I'm sure there has been some

977
00:45:04,130 --> 00:45:01,619
triggers related to the show you know we

978
00:45:07,550 --> 00:45:04,140
we do good work here

979
00:45:09,290 --> 00:45:07,560
um and we do something like an expose on

980
00:45:13,670 --> 00:45:09,300
somebody and then they threaten to sue

981
00:45:15,470 --> 00:45:13,680
me uh or send me legal threat letters

982
00:45:18,290 --> 00:45:15,480
people have

983
00:45:20,630 --> 00:45:18,300
copyright striked our channel here

984
00:45:22,790 --> 00:45:20,640
endangering our Channel

985
00:45:24,770 --> 00:45:22,800
and it's continued existence that would

986
00:45:26,270 --> 00:45:24,780
trigger me and I would get pissed off

987
00:45:27,410 --> 00:45:26,280
and drink

988
00:45:30,530 --> 00:45:27,420
so

989
00:45:33,050 --> 00:45:30,540
and anybody will tell you that you

990
00:45:36,650 --> 00:45:33,060
should probably try to avoid triggers

991
00:45:40,010 --> 00:45:36,660
and uh oh another big trigger is people

992
00:45:45,050 --> 00:45:40,020
when we do these um

993
00:45:46,910 --> 00:45:45,060
sort of exposure shows or exposed shows

994
00:45:50,270 --> 00:45:46,920
um the people that we do them about

995
00:45:52,190 --> 00:45:50,280
don't react well and usually instead of

996
00:45:54,290 --> 00:45:52,200
addressing the evidence that we present

997
00:45:56,450 --> 00:45:54,300
they attack me personally

998
00:45:58,250 --> 00:45:56,460
and right now we've got a situation

999
00:46:00,530 --> 00:45:58,260
where a show host is straight lying

1000
00:46:03,050 --> 00:46:00,540
through his teeth to his audience and

1001
00:46:05,390 --> 00:46:03,060
everyone else that will listen about me

1002
00:46:08,270 --> 00:46:05,400
instead of addressing the evidence that

1003
00:46:11,150 --> 00:46:08,280
we presented they're attacking me

1004
00:46:13,970 --> 00:46:11,160
and that's certainly uh

1005
00:46:16,970 --> 00:46:13,980
enough to anger me

1006
00:46:19,370 --> 00:46:16,980
um and again this uh

1007
00:46:21,890 --> 00:46:19,380
getting angry about things like this is

1008
00:46:25,130 --> 00:46:21,900
a huge trigger for me

1009
00:46:27,410 --> 00:46:25,140
um so I have to be mindful of this

1010
00:46:31,550 --> 00:46:27,420
and uh

1011
00:46:33,589 --> 00:46:31,560
not allow some external Force like some

1012
00:46:35,870 --> 00:46:33,599
idiot that doesn't want to admit that he

1013
00:46:38,630 --> 00:46:35,880
just got caught lying through his teeth

1014
00:46:42,650 --> 00:46:38,640
10 times you know

1015
00:46:45,050 --> 00:46:42,660
um trigger me into uh back to this

1016
00:46:47,690 --> 00:46:45,060
unhealthy drinking that I was doing

1017
00:46:50,510 --> 00:46:47,700
you're not gonna let it happen but I do

1018
00:46:52,849 --> 00:46:50,520
have to be mindful of that that these

1019
00:46:54,050 --> 00:46:52,859
people

1020
00:46:56,150 --> 00:46:54,060
um

1021
00:46:58,069 --> 00:46:56,160
who certainly have the capability of

1022
00:47:00,230 --> 00:46:58,079
making me angry have the ability to

1023
00:47:02,809 --> 00:47:00,240
trigger me to return to

1024
00:47:06,050 --> 00:47:02,819
um to alcohol

1025
00:47:08,630 --> 00:47:06,060
so that leads me to many different

1026
00:47:12,230 --> 00:47:08,640
scenarios like do I just avoid those

1027
00:47:13,730 --> 00:47:12,240
kind of shows altogether so as not to uh

1028
00:47:17,630 --> 00:47:13,740
create

1029
00:47:20,569 --> 00:47:17,640
those triggers and and give

1030
00:47:23,630 --> 00:47:20,579
people the reason I or give people the

1031
00:47:27,170 --> 00:47:23,640
ability to trigger me back to uh an

1032
00:47:28,550 --> 00:47:27,180
unhealthy situation and and you know I

1033
00:47:32,930 --> 00:47:28,560
don't know what the right answer to that

1034
00:47:34,609 --> 00:47:32,940
is I will say that uh boy somebody lying

1035
00:47:37,130 --> 00:47:34,619
through their teeth about you especially

1036
00:47:39,349 --> 00:47:37,140
bringing in your children or your wife

1037
00:47:43,970 --> 00:47:39,359
into their lies

1038
00:47:49,609 --> 00:47:46,670
um yeah that'll make you pissed that'll

1039
00:47:52,609 --> 00:47:49,619
piss me off and it has pissed me off but

1040
00:47:54,589 --> 00:47:52,619
I've been trying to find better ways to

1041
00:47:58,069 --> 00:47:54,599
channel the anger other than channeling

1042
00:48:01,450 --> 00:47:58,079
it through a 12 pack of beer or uh more

1043
00:48:04,609 --> 00:48:01,460
or a bottle of uh Fireball or whatever

1044
00:48:07,130 --> 00:48:04,619
so I have to learn new skills to cope

1045
00:48:10,069 --> 00:48:07,140
with the things that would usually

1046
00:48:11,569 --> 00:48:10,079
trigger Me Like Somebody lying through

1047
00:48:13,670 --> 00:48:11,579
their fake teeth about me on the

1048
00:48:15,589 --> 00:48:13,680
internet certainly that's something that

1049
00:48:16,390 --> 00:48:15,599
can trigger me

1050
00:48:19,370 --> 00:48:16,400
um

1051
00:48:21,170 --> 00:48:19,380
yeah and certainly I I want to be be

1052
00:48:25,190 --> 00:48:21,180
clear in that I'm not blaming anybody

1053
00:48:27,950 --> 00:48:25,200
else if I choose to return to uh

1054
00:48:30,890 --> 00:48:27,960
drinking it'll be no one's fault but my

1055
00:48:33,230 --> 00:48:30,900
own but these triggers I think is

1056
00:48:36,230 --> 00:48:33,240
something that you have to be uh

1057
00:48:37,150 --> 00:48:36,240
you have to be aware of and try to avoid

1058
00:48:41,569 --> 00:48:37,160
those

1059
00:48:43,130 --> 00:48:41,579
don't know how to do that

1060
00:48:46,309 --> 00:48:43,140
um

1061
00:48:48,109 --> 00:48:46,319
my one of those things that I used to do

1062
00:48:49,790 --> 00:48:48,119
is when somebody was lying through their

1063
00:48:52,430 --> 00:48:49,800
teeth about me on the internet well I

1064
00:48:55,130 --> 00:48:52,440
can't change it you know [\h__\h] them and

1065
00:48:57,650 --> 00:48:55,140
then I would go drink myself into a coma

1066
00:48:59,870 --> 00:48:57,660
not a good thing to do doesn't solve any

1067
00:49:02,390 --> 00:48:59,880
issues doesn't solve any problems

1068
00:49:05,089 --> 00:49:02,400
so uh

1069
00:49:06,829 --> 00:49:05,099
yes uh John P Adventures mentioned lies

1070
00:49:09,890 --> 00:49:06,839
trigger you yes

1071
00:49:12,230 --> 00:49:09,900
uh lies definitely trigger me especially

1072
00:49:13,790 --> 00:49:12,240
people lying about my family on the

1073
00:49:15,650 --> 00:49:13,800
internet because they have some grudge

1074
00:49:17,450 --> 00:49:15,660
against me because we revealed what

1075
00:49:19,430 --> 00:49:17,460
frauds they are

1076
00:49:21,650 --> 00:49:19,440
you know why you address the evidence

1077
00:49:23,510 --> 00:49:21,660
that's my thing they never do they come

1078
00:49:25,730 --> 00:49:23,520
after me personally and suddenly there's

1079
00:49:28,370 --> 00:49:25,740
all these personal attacks ad hominem

1080
00:49:30,050 --> 00:49:28,380
attacks you know uh people are running

1081
00:49:33,230 --> 00:49:30,060
around telling people all kinds of

1082
00:49:34,790 --> 00:49:33,240
things about me right now uh instead of

1083
00:49:37,510 --> 00:49:34,800
addressing the facts and the evidence

1084
00:49:39,770 --> 00:49:37,520
that we have presented so

1085
00:49:41,450 --> 00:49:39,780
I um

1086
00:49:42,410 --> 00:49:41,460
just have to be mindful of those

1087
00:49:46,550 --> 00:49:42,420
triggers

1088
00:49:49,130 --> 00:49:46,560
and I have to uh be aware of them so

1089
00:49:52,309 --> 00:49:49,140
that I can try to avoid letting them

1090
00:49:54,710 --> 00:49:52,319
trigger me to to uh to go back to an

1091
00:49:56,390 --> 00:49:54,720
unhealthy lifestyle or or whatever the

1092
00:50:00,050 --> 00:49:56,400
case may be

1093
00:50:03,710 --> 00:50:00,060
so uh this will be I guess my friends a

1094
00:50:06,650 --> 00:50:03,720
short one that's all I've got for you

1095
00:50:08,210 --> 00:50:06,660
um I will be taking comments and

1096
00:50:11,150 --> 00:50:08,220
questions from the live chat we can have

1097
00:50:13,670 --> 00:50:11,160
a discussion now make it work like a a

1098
00:50:15,829 --> 00:50:13,680
meeting like someone suggested

1099
00:50:18,170 --> 00:50:15,839
and um

1100
00:50:19,730 --> 00:50:18,180
oh we want to thank hair Lord Ludacris

1101
00:50:22,190 --> 00:50:19,740
congrats on your continued sobriety

1102
00:50:24,050 --> 00:50:22,200
looking forward to awesome com content

1103
00:50:25,790 --> 00:50:24,060
from sober Steve some people want drunk

1104
00:50:28,250 --> 00:50:25,800
Steve back did you know that that's sad

1105
00:50:30,050 --> 00:50:28,260
but it's true I've gotten messages

1106
00:50:32,089 --> 00:50:30,060
uh I liked you better when you were

1107
00:50:34,430 --> 00:50:32,099
drunk you would yell and scream at these

1108
00:50:36,770 --> 00:50:34,440
frauds more yeah

1109
00:50:38,569 --> 00:50:36,780
um not a good thing to send me but you

1110
00:50:40,790 --> 00:50:38,579
know I understand that people feel that

1111
00:50:42,710 --> 00:50:40,800
way you have been killing it one day at

1112
00:50:44,630 --> 00:50:42,720
a time thank you Lord Ludacris plaid for

1113
00:50:46,250 --> 00:50:44,640
your kindness generosity and continued

1114
00:50:47,690 --> 00:50:46,260
support of the show it is much much

1115
00:50:49,250 --> 00:50:47,700
appreciated

1116
00:50:51,770 --> 00:50:49,260
uh

1117
00:50:53,510 --> 00:50:51,780
yes Lord Ludacris check your super chats

1118
00:50:54,950 --> 00:50:53,520
I have I'll check the rest of them just

1119
00:50:57,170 --> 00:50:54,960
to be sure that we got them all for

1120
00:50:58,970 --> 00:50:57,180
those aren't aware we do we all review

1121
00:51:02,030 --> 00:50:58,980
and supported show we read each and

1122
00:51:04,190 --> 00:51:02,040
every single chat Super Chat sent uh

1123
00:51:08,030 --> 00:51:04,200
PayPal pledge

1124
00:51:11,510 --> 00:51:08,040
cash app whatever if you become a new uh

1125
00:51:13,309 --> 00:51:11,520
YouTube member here we call that out as

1126
00:51:15,109 --> 00:51:13,319
well we like to thank each and every one

1127
00:51:18,109 --> 00:51:15,119
of you supporting our show we read each

1128
00:51:21,230 --> 00:51:18,119
and every single Super Chat and uh thank

1129
00:51:22,970 --> 00:51:21,240
each and every person that is helping

1130
00:51:25,730 --> 00:51:22,980
support the show

1131
00:51:27,710 --> 00:51:25,740
now of course I'm having an issue

1132
00:51:29,870 --> 00:51:27,720
getting into the Super chats I wanted to

1133
00:51:33,770 --> 00:51:29,880
make sure

1134
00:51:35,809 --> 00:51:33,780
that we did get them all

1135
00:51:38,930 --> 00:51:35,819
and

1136
00:51:40,970 --> 00:51:38,940
I believe that we have yes so I'll check

1137
00:51:42,109 --> 00:51:40,980
in with the PayPal pledges just to be

1138
00:51:43,849 --> 00:51:42,119
sure

1139
00:51:46,190 --> 00:51:43,859
and there's instructions for how you can

1140
00:51:48,470 --> 00:51:46,200
help us continue the show in the

1141
00:51:51,410 --> 00:51:48,480
description of this video if you're

1142
00:51:53,809 --> 00:51:51,420
sending a PayPal please do add a note

1143
00:51:57,230 --> 00:51:53,819
with your uh

1144
00:51:58,910 --> 00:51:57,240
chat room user ID and any message that

1145
00:52:01,609 --> 00:51:58,920
you want for us to send it's very simple

1146
00:52:03,530 --> 00:52:01,619
through PayPal you just click add note

1147
00:52:05,390 --> 00:52:03,540
and we want to thank Mike for a Kind and

1148
00:52:08,150 --> 00:52:05,400
Generous PayPal pledge of 10 thank you

1149
00:52:09,770 --> 00:52:08,160
for your kindness generosity and support

1150
00:52:11,450 --> 00:52:09,780
and we have Anthony Peterson with the

1151
00:52:12,890 --> 00:52:11,460
Kylie Jenner's two dollars saying wish

1152
00:52:14,870 --> 00:52:12,900
you the best for your future and

1153
00:52:16,970 --> 00:52:14,880
sobriety thank you I appreciate that

1154
00:52:20,030 --> 00:52:16,980
reload reload thanks for sharing your

1155
00:52:21,770 --> 00:52:20,040
thoughts my pleasure and Views be damned

1156
00:52:24,349 --> 00:52:21,780
I'm sure this is not going to be a very

1157
00:52:27,650 --> 00:52:24,359
well viewed uh show

1158
00:52:29,630 --> 00:52:27,660
uh that's okay uh I think it's important

1159
00:52:32,750 --> 00:52:29,640
enough to share this with other people

1160
00:52:35,210 --> 00:52:32,760
that may be having similar issues

1161
00:52:37,790 --> 00:52:35,220
how is the cabin coming along well good

1162
00:52:39,829 --> 00:52:37,800
and bad I'm ahead of schedule on the

1163
00:52:42,170 --> 00:52:39,839
firewood this year

1164
00:52:44,150 --> 00:52:42,180
and next week I will finish all the

1165
00:52:46,609 --> 00:52:44,160
firewood and I don't usually finish till

1166
00:52:48,890 --> 00:52:46,619
like the middle of November and that

1167
00:52:51,170 --> 00:52:48,900
usually means that I'm out there cold in

1168
00:52:53,150 --> 00:52:51,180
the snow even sometimes

1169
00:52:55,130 --> 00:52:53,160
uh or at least in the freezing cold

1170
00:52:57,410 --> 00:52:55,140
still trying to put up firewood for the

1171
00:52:59,150 --> 00:52:57,420
winter but this year almost done I'm

1172
00:53:02,150 --> 00:52:59,160
going to spend one more day processing

1173
00:53:04,790 --> 00:53:02,160
very small firewood so that we have

1174
00:53:06,770 --> 00:53:04,800
plenty for the for those unaware my

1175
00:53:09,049 --> 00:53:06,780
cabin has a wood cook stove

1176
00:53:11,690 --> 00:53:09,059
and you don't put huge logs in there you

1177
00:53:13,970 --> 00:53:11,700
put little stuff you know

1178
00:53:16,190 --> 00:53:13,980
um so I'm gonna spend one more day doing

1179
00:53:18,770 --> 00:53:16,200
the firewood next weekend and then we'll

1180
00:53:20,750 --> 00:53:18,780
be done I suppose the bad news is I'm

1181
00:53:23,089 --> 00:53:20,760
failing terribly at building this porch

1182
00:53:25,970 --> 00:53:23,099
roof I thought it was going to go a

1183
00:53:29,270 --> 00:53:25,980
certain way and it hasn't gone my way I

1184
00:53:32,030 --> 00:53:29,280
need eight big tree beams to even begin

1185
00:53:33,770 --> 00:53:32,040
I've only got two or three of them but

1186
00:53:37,870 --> 00:53:33,780
I'm gonna hit it again next week and

1187
00:53:40,670 --> 00:53:37,880
we'll see how we do if I have to I will

1188
00:53:43,849 --> 00:53:40,680
pause the the porch project for the

1189
00:53:45,470 --> 00:53:43,859
winner because honestly I just I don't

1190
00:53:52,250 --> 00:53:45,480
work well

1191
00:53:55,490 --> 00:53:52,260
freezing cold I noticed that um I have

1192
00:53:57,770 --> 00:53:55,500
let's see yeah I watch a lot of uh cabin

1193
00:54:00,170 --> 00:53:57,780
channels and off-grid channels and

1194
00:54:02,510 --> 00:54:00,180
there's a guy named uh

1195
00:54:05,329 --> 00:54:02,520
Sean James from the channel myself

1196
00:54:08,089 --> 00:54:05,339
Reliance and he

1197
00:54:10,609 --> 00:54:08,099
through a Canadian winner will be out

1198
00:54:13,309 --> 00:54:10,619
there in the snow and the ice building a

1199
00:54:16,250 --> 00:54:13,319
log cabin I'm not him I just I don't

1200
00:54:18,609 --> 00:54:16,260
know man I it once it goes to like 30 or

1201
00:54:22,430 --> 00:54:18,619
something nope I'm not going outside

1202
00:54:26,690 --> 00:54:22,440
unless I have to I can't work in that

1203
00:54:29,569 --> 00:54:26,700
kind of I just can't do it so uh it was

1204
00:54:30,829 --> 00:54:29,579
40 something this past weekend and I was

1205
00:54:33,530 --> 00:54:30,839
having a hard time

1206
00:54:35,390 --> 00:54:33,540
and plus there's just too much to do

1207
00:54:37,010 --> 00:54:35,400
there at the cabin I've got to put the

1208
00:54:38,450 --> 00:54:37,020
firewood up I'm trying to build the

1209
00:54:41,049 --> 00:54:38,460
porch

1210
00:54:43,609 --> 00:54:41,059
um other stuff going on there

1211
00:54:45,290 --> 00:54:43,619
next week I hope that I will do better

1212
00:54:48,349 --> 00:54:45,300
I'm going to spend one day processing

1213
00:54:49,790 --> 00:54:48,359
firewood one day working on the porch I

1214
00:54:51,890 --> 00:54:49,800
suppose the problem with the porch is

1215
00:54:54,950 --> 00:54:51,900
that it's not like I just have a pile of

1216
00:54:57,890 --> 00:54:54,960
lumber from Home Depot and I can start

1217
00:55:00,309 --> 00:54:57,900
building this porch roof I have to go

1218
00:55:02,690 --> 00:55:00,319
into the woods and get the wood first

1219
00:55:07,130 --> 00:55:02,700
and then stack it up and then I'm going

1220
00:55:08,990 --> 00:55:07,140
to have to debark the trees and it's a

1221
00:55:11,030 --> 00:55:09,000
big project a lot bigger than I thought

1222
00:55:12,770 --> 00:55:11,040
I always bite off more than I can chew

1223
00:55:13,870 --> 00:55:12,780
there but eventually I get some things

1224
00:55:17,569 --> 00:55:13,880
done

1225
00:55:18,890 --> 00:55:17,579
I will uh revisit it next weekend I'm

1226
00:55:20,390 --> 00:55:18,900
going to put up the rest of the firewood

1227
00:55:21,710 --> 00:55:20,400
and then and I'm going to continue on

1228
00:55:24,170 --> 00:55:21,720
the porch for a little while a couple

1229
00:55:25,609 --> 00:55:24,180
more weeks but if it seems like this is

1230
00:55:26,809 --> 00:55:25,619
Mission Impossible and I'm not getting

1231
00:55:28,609 --> 00:55:26,819
it done before it's going to be too

1232
00:55:30,950 --> 00:55:28,619
freezing cold out there to work then I'm

1233
00:55:32,270 --> 00:55:30,960
gonna say the hell with it

1234
00:55:35,390 --> 00:55:32,280
um another thing that I'm learning since

1235
00:55:37,010 --> 00:55:35,400
quitting drinking is to uh accept the

1236
00:55:39,290 --> 00:55:37,020
things I can't change I can't change

1237
00:55:42,309 --> 00:55:39,300
it's 30 or 20 outside and I don't want

1238
00:55:45,829 --> 00:55:42,319
to work out there right

1239
00:55:47,630 --> 00:55:45,839
so I'm just gonna roll with the roll

1240
00:55:48,890 --> 00:55:47,640
with whatever happens I I don't want to

1241
00:55:50,329 --> 00:55:48,900
give up on it yet though I'm going to

1242
00:55:52,609 --> 00:55:50,339
give it another couple of weekends

1243
00:55:54,650 --> 00:55:52,619
before I decide if that's off the table

1244
00:55:56,750 --> 00:55:54,660
I would love to get it done before

1245
00:55:59,630 --> 00:55:56,760
winter because then in the spring I can

1246
00:56:01,549 --> 00:55:59,640
worry about other projects and thank you

1247
00:56:03,650 --> 00:56:01,559
sweet Caroline

1248
00:56:05,390 --> 00:56:03,660
remember Stephen your work is invaluable

1249
00:56:06,950 --> 00:56:05,400
and you are a true Knight in fighting

1250
00:56:08,390 --> 00:56:06,960
for the truth and exposing the grifters

1251
00:56:09,890 --> 00:56:08,400
we all respect

1252
00:56:11,510 --> 00:56:09,900
and have great respect for you always

1253
00:56:13,309 --> 00:56:11,520
well thank you Robert C for your

1254
00:56:16,490 --> 00:56:13,319
kindness generosity and support of the

1255
00:56:18,170 --> 00:56:16,500
show and what I believe and you also

1256
00:56:19,849 --> 00:56:18,180
apparently believe is the important work

1257
00:56:22,010 --> 00:56:19,859
that we do here

1258
00:56:23,990 --> 00:56:22,020
reload reload thank you for sharing your

1259
00:56:27,349 --> 00:56:24,000
thoughts Aaron says learned something

1260
00:56:30,890 --> 00:56:29,450
any other comments or questions for me

1261
00:56:32,390 --> 00:56:30,900
please put them in all capital letters

1262
00:56:34,849 --> 00:56:32,400
otherwise we're going to call a short

1263
00:56:37,309 --> 00:56:34,859
one today

1264
00:56:39,710 --> 00:56:37,319
um a job P of Interest says I collect

1265
00:56:43,970 --> 00:56:39,720
wood on woods and wood pallets for free

1266
00:56:45,650 --> 00:56:43,980
on hypermarkets backs yeah we burned the

1267
00:56:47,510 --> 00:56:45,660
first year I was at the cabin I was from

1268
00:56:49,190 --> 00:56:47,520
the city John P adventures and I didn't

1269
00:56:51,950 --> 00:56:49,200
know anything about going in the woods

1270
00:56:54,710 --> 00:56:51,960
to find firewood I mean I did from being

1271
00:56:56,990 --> 00:56:54,720
a Boy Scout but it didn't occur to me I

1272
00:56:59,990 --> 00:56:57,000
was from the city so I drug up

1273
00:57:01,490 --> 00:57:00,000
to the cabin all kinds of scrap wood and

1274
00:57:02,990 --> 00:57:01,500
I just cut up scrap wood that people

1275
00:57:05,630 --> 00:57:03,000
would put out in the trash in the city

1276
00:57:09,530 --> 00:57:05,640
in Philadelphia and that works but it's

1277
00:57:11,089 --> 00:57:09,540
kind of messy and uh it's not it doesn't

1278
00:57:13,730 --> 00:57:11,099
you know

1279
00:57:16,790 --> 00:57:13,740
old pallet wood does not burn as long as

1280
00:57:19,130 --> 00:57:16,800
uh you know a good tree a good log made

1281
00:57:21,589 --> 00:57:19,140
out of a tree you know split firewood

1282
00:57:23,870 --> 00:57:21,599
that burns the hottest and the longest

1283
00:57:25,490 --> 00:57:23,880
so that's what I want now I have since

1284
00:57:28,069 --> 00:57:25,500
thanks to the kindness of my neighbor

1285
00:57:30,290 --> 00:57:28,079
Matt who've kind of taught me like you

1286
00:57:32,089 --> 00:57:30,300
know there's these things called tree

1287
00:57:33,950 --> 00:57:32,099
Stephen and you can cut them down and

1288
00:57:36,230 --> 00:57:33,960
split them and stack it up and that's

1289
00:57:39,430 --> 00:57:36,240
better firewood than this trash you're

1290
00:57:42,410 --> 00:57:39,440
dragging in here from your city

1291
00:57:44,030 --> 00:57:42,420
and God bless him and others who taught

1292
00:57:46,910 --> 00:57:44,040
me the right way to do it because it

1293
00:57:48,829 --> 00:57:46,920
goes much much better now

1294
00:57:50,150 --> 00:57:48,839
um The Sweet Caroline is asking what's

1295
00:57:52,190 --> 00:57:50,160
tomorrow's show going to be about

1296
00:57:53,930 --> 00:57:52,200
tomorrow we'll return to normal topics

1297
00:57:55,970 --> 00:57:53,940
and that's all I will say because I'm

1298
00:57:58,490 --> 00:57:55,980
still trying to organize the week shows

1299
00:58:01,030 --> 00:57:58,500
so we'll see what tomorrow will bring

1300
00:58:03,890 --> 00:58:01,040
right

1301
00:58:05,690 --> 00:58:03,900
Anthony Peterson says you've Blown Away

1302
00:58:07,910 --> 00:58:05,700
a lot of my old fascination with the

1303
00:58:10,190 --> 00:58:07,920
Flying Saucer Mythos I still want to

1304
00:58:12,069 --> 00:58:10,200
believe though yeah don't we all we all

1305
00:58:17,210 --> 00:58:12,079
want to believe but

1306
00:58:21,890 --> 00:58:19,790
yeah John P says then I cut it home sure

1307
00:58:25,970 --> 00:58:21,900
if you have scrap wood I use scrap wood

1308
00:58:28,130 --> 00:58:25,980
for kindling John P because if you put a

1309
00:58:30,829 --> 00:58:28,140
plumbing torch on a piece of old pallet

1310
00:58:33,530 --> 00:58:30,839
it lights on fire almost immediately on

1311
00:58:36,470 --> 00:58:33,540
a piece of tree wood it takes a while so

1312
00:58:38,750 --> 00:58:36,480
I use old pallet wood and old scraps

1313
00:58:42,230 --> 00:58:38,760
from construction projects to start the

1314
00:58:45,289 --> 00:58:42,240
fires at the cabin and then we move to

1315
00:58:47,210 --> 00:58:45,299
you know other things right

1316
00:58:50,450 --> 00:58:47,220
Stephen Eichler

1317
00:58:53,829 --> 00:58:50,460
yeah we got that one sorry

1318
00:58:57,289 --> 00:58:53,839
and uh L Ware says positive Bros for you

1319
00:58:59,630 --> 00:58:57,299
uh Positive Vibes for you bro thank you

1320
00:59:01,730 --> 00:58:59,640
for your kindness uh much much pretty

1321
00:59:04,730 --> 00:59:01,740
appreciate it

1322
00:59:06,589 --> 00:59:04,740
Sweet Caroline do trees speak to each

1323
00:59:10,069 --> 00:59:06,599
other through chemical compounds no they

1324
00:59:12,230 --> 00:59:10,079
do so through the mycelium of of the

1325
00:59:13,730 --> 00:59:12,240
mushrooms in the forest Sweet Caroline

1326
00:59:18,650 --> 00:59:13,740
look it up it's

1327
00:59:20,990 --> 00:59:18,660
it's pretty trippy uh trees can actually

1328
00:59:22,549 --> 00:59:21,000
speak to their offspring the seedlings

1329
00:59:25,970 --> 00:59:22,559
through the mycelium they can

1330
00:59:29,210 --> 00:59:25,980
communicate that's really trippy really

1331
00:59:34,490 --> 00:59:31,430
everybody

1332
00:59:37,190 --> 00:59:34,500
Charlie UK says alcohol in our societies

1333
00:59:38,750 --> 00:59:37,200
and its uh ubiquitous availability has

1334
00:59:40,849 --> 00:59:38,760
occursed in some ways it's worse than

1335
00:59:42,470 --> 00:59:40,859
drugs I give thanks to no one in

1336
00:59:44,089 --> 00:59:42,480
particular that I remain sober and

1337
00:59:46,970 --> 00:59:44,099
healthy well congratulations for your

1338
00:59:50,510 --> 00:59:46,980
sobriety and your good health

1339
00:59:54,470 --> 00:59:50,520
um much much appreciate it

1340
00:59:56,750 --> 00:59:54,480
we buy 120 kilograms of wood for 120

1341
00:59:59,210 --> 00:59:56,760
euros

1342
01:00:02,089 --> 00:59:59,220
well here they sell it by What's called

1343
01:00:04,789 --> 01:00:02,099
the cord which is a unit of measurement

1344
01:00:08,510 --> 01:00:04,799
of the volume of the wood and it's like

1345
01:00:10,010 --> 01:00:08,520
250 Accord here 250 US dollars for one

1346
01:00:12,289 --> 01:00:10,020
quart of firewood

1347
01:00:14,690 --> 01:00:12,299
and uh

1348
01:00:16,190 --> 01:00:14,700
that's about the going rate and you have

1349
01:00:17,630 --> 01:00:16,200
to be very careful because some of those

1350
01:00:20,329 --> 01:00:17,640
people don't give you what they're

1351
01:00:23,210 --> 01:00:20,339
supposed to or the wood's not dry it's

1352
01:00:25,250 --> 01:00:23,220
wet as [\h__\h] and freshly cut like the day

1353
01:00:27,289 --> 01:00:25,260
you get it and they don't tell you that

1354
01:00:29,990 --> 01:00:27,299
so it won't burn and

1355
01:00:32,390 --> 01:00:30,000
it's always best in my opinion to find

1356
01:00:34,250 --> 01:00:32,400
and process your own firewood this year

1357
01:00:36,950 --> 01:00:34,260
I cheated though

1358
01:00:39,170 --> 01:00:36,960
um yeah things being what it is

1359
01:00:40,789 --> 01:00:39,180
Aaron says I'm a Christian but Native

1360
01:00:42,710 --> 01:00:40,799
Americans there's always some kind of

1361
01:00:45,770 --> 01:00:42,720
belief that animals and stuff has a

1362
01:00:47,390 --> 01:00:45,780
spirit Bible just confirms it yeah I

1363
01:00:49,309 --> 01:00:47,400
mean asking but it's had a dog if their

1364
01:00:52,730 --> 01:00:49,319
dog has a spirit or soul

1365
01:00:54,490 --> 01:00:52,740
I think people would say yes frap zap is

1366
01:00:57,349 --> 01:00:54,500
here and says congratulations on the

1367
01:01:00,349 --> 01:00:57,359
127th day and I'm busting the biggest

1368
01:01:01,910 --> 01:01:00,359
hoaxers and their Stooges sir yeah that

1369
01:01:04,190 --> 01:01:01,920
was good work and I appreciate everybody

1370
01:01:05,150 --> 01:01:04,200
reaching out to me

1371
01:01:07,130 --> 01:01:05,160
um

1372
01:01:08,809 --> 01:01:07,140
I am aware that somebody uploaded on

1373
01:01:11,569 --> 01:01:08,819
Billy Billy which is like the Chinese

1374
01:01:13,970 --> 01:01:11,579
YouTube and it's up to 8 000 views just

1375
01:01:16,130 --> 01:01:13,980
there and then it's up to a few thousand

1376
01:01:18,170 --> 01:01:16,140
views on Odyssey and other people are

1377
01:01:22,609 --> 01:01:18,180
uploading it on Rumble and odyssey and

1378
01:01:24,950 --> 01:01:22,619
bit shoot uh I'm sure a lot more people

1379
01:01:26,750 --> 01:01:24,960
saw it because they tried to stop people

1380
01:01:28,970 --> 01:01:26,760
from seeing it and it's a good

1381
01:01:31,549 --> 01:01:28,980
documentary it's good work

1382
01:01:33,530 --> 01:01:31,559
it proves many of the things that I've

1383
01:01:36,470 --> 01:01:33,540
been saying here for a while

1384
01:01:38,809 --> 01:01:36,480
and but then of course some less than

1385
01:01:42,230 --> 01:01:38,819
scrupulous show hosts have to invent new

1386
01:01:43,789 --> 01:01:42,240
lies to deflect or muddy the waters

1387
01:01:44,990 --> 01:01:43,799
instead of addressing the evidence

1388
01:01:47,270 --> 01:01:45,000
they're going to come after me

1389
01:01:49,190 --> 01:01:47,280
personally because it's my fault

1390
01:01:51,470 --> 01:01:49,200
it's my fault they lied to Their

1391
01:01:59,150 --> 01:01:51,480
audience okay

1392
01:02:03,109 --> 01:02:01,250
yes so

1393
01:02:04,609 --> 01:02:03,119
what can I say friends for once we're

1394
01:02:06,849 --> 01:02:04,619
going to make it an early night tonight

1395
01:02:09,170 --> 01:02:06,859
and not be here for three or four hours

1396
01:02:12,470 --> 01:02:09,180
uh we've got

1397
01:02:15,289 --> 01:02:12,480
three more shows for you this week and I

1398
01:02:19,190 --> 01:02:15,299
will post more about those uh as soon as

1399
01:02:22,250 --> 01:02:19,200
I uh get them together I'm happy to be

1400
01:02:25,250 --> 01:02:22,260
back here at home it was a freezing cold

1401
01:02:26,930 --> 01:02:25,260
weekend at the cabin it was 35 or

1402
01:02:30,349 --> 01:02:26,940
something like that at night at the

1403
01:02:34,190 --> 01:02:30,359
cabin this weekend so winter is uh

1404
01:02:36,049 --> 01:02:34,200
coming in Full full on there another

1405
01:02:37,849 --> 01:02:36,059
couple of weeks and it'll be 20 at night

1406
01:02:45,049 --> 01:02:37,859
there

1407
01:02:49,309 --> 01:02:45,059
just hit 8 000 views on Billy Billy yeah

1408
01:02:54,049 --> 01:02:51,950
Patty says this is a great chat group

1409
01:02:56,630 --> 01:02:54,059
not once have I ever been attacked and

1410
01:02:58,910 --> 01:02:56,640
and you shouldn't we ask everybody to be

1411
01:03:01,549 --> 01:02:58,920
respectful it's okay to disagree with

1412
01:03:03,289 --> 01:03:01,559
people in the live chat but please be

1413
01:03:06,349 --> 01:03:03,299
um respectful

1414
01:03:08,750 --> 01:03:06,359
of the people in the live chat and the

1415
01:03:10,849 --> 01:03:08,760
guests that we have here they get a lot

1416
01:03:12,650 --> 01:03:10,859
of great feedback from some of the

1417
01:03:14,450 --> 01:03:12,660
recent guests but also we got a lot of

1418
01:03:16,130 --> 01:03:14,460
people didn't like them and and we're

1419
01:03:19,010 --> 01:03:16,140
very vocal about that I get it but

1420
01:03:20,690 --> 01:03:19,020
please just be respectful uh we can't

1421
01:03:24,410 --> 01:03:20,700
continue to have great guests if people

1422
01:03:28,490 --> 01:03:26,690
and as far as the live chat you know

1423
01:03:31,370 --> 01:03:28,500
just try to be respectful it's all we

1424
01:03:32,150 --> 01:03:31,380
ask here we're a free speech Zone though

1425
01:03:34,130 --> 01:03:32,160
um

1426
01:03:36,170 --> 01:03:34,140
and we appreciate each and every one of

1427
01:03:37,609 --> 01:03:36,180
you for joining us live I want to take a

1428
01:03:39,710 --> 01:03:37,619
moment to remind you if you're listening

1429
01:03:41,990 --> 01:03:39,720
in the if you're listening to the audio

1430
01:03:43,910 --> 01:03:42,000
podcast you are missing half the fun so

1431
01:03:46,490 --> 01:03:43,920
go on over to YouTube and click that

1432
01:03:49,130 --> 01:03:46,500
magnifying glass icon the search bar put

1433
01:03:51,890 --> 01:03:49,140
in true Seekers one word you'll see a

1434
01:03:54,349 --> 01:03:51,900
strange guy pop up with sunglasses that

1435
01:03:55,730 --> 01:03:54,359
would be me go to that Channel smash the

1436
01:03:57,530 --> 01:03:55,740
Subscribe button hit the notification

1437
01:04:00,349 --> 01:03:57,540
Bell and you too will know when we're

1438
01:04:03,230 --> 01:04:00,359
doing a live chat and you can come here

1439
01:04:05,870 --> 01:04:03,240
and be a part of the festivities you can

1440
01:04:07,970 --> 01:04:05,880
ask questions to myself and our guests

1441
01:04:10,549 --> 01:04:07,980
you can chat and interact with other

1442
01:04:13,190 --> 01:04:10,559
like-minded people interested in these

1443
01:04:14,329 --> 01:04:13,200
strange and esoteric subjects you are

1444
01:04:18,170 --> 01:04:14,339
most welcome

1445
01:04:20,270 --> 01:04:18,180
and I wouldn't be doing a very good job

1446
01:04:24,049 --> 01:04:20,280
as a YouTuber if I didn't do what all

1447
01:04:26,150 --> 01:04:24,059
YouTubers do and remind you uh that one

1448
01:04:28,609 --> 01:04:26,160
great way that you can help us here with

1449
01:04:30,589 --> 01:04:28,619
our show is to like comment subscribe

1450
01:04:33,049 --> 01:04:30,599
and share these videos share them on

1451
01:04:34,910 --> 01:04:33,059
your social media we really appreciate

1452
01:04:36,650 --> 01:04:34,920
it and I see you people retweeting the

1453
01:04:39,829 --> 01:04:36,660
shows and

1454
01:04:42,470 --> 01:04:39,839
um and helping by posting these shows on

1455
01:04:44,210 --> 01:04:42,480
your Facebook it really does help and

1456
01:04:46,190 --> 01:04:44,220
it's not just the new shows you can do

1457
01:04:48,109 --> 01:04:46,200
that with you can go and get a link for

1458
01:04:51,049 --> 01:04:48,119
an old one of your favorite shows here

1459
01:04:53,270 --> 01:04:51,059
we have a huge catalog of shows on all

1460
01:04:56,450 --> 01:04:53,280
different strange and esoteric subjects

1461
01:04:59,750 --> 01:04:56,460
from Bigfoot to aliens to UFO sightings

1462
01:05:01,849 --> 01:04:59,760
uh we cover all of that so find a show

1463
01:05:04,549 --> 01:05:01,859
you like copy the link put it on your

1464
01:05:06,530 --> 01:05:04,559
social media and that will help rise Us

1465
01:05:08,630 --> 01:05:06,540
in the search engines and help us to

1466
01:05:11,089 --> 01:05:08,640
grow the shows

1467
01:05:13,190 --> 01:05:11,099
Aaron says the shades are legendary

1468
01:05:15,890 --> 01:05:13,200
Camby and well thank you I appreciate it

1469
01:05:17,630 --> 01:05:15,900
some of you know why I wear them uh and

1470
01:05:19,190 --> 01:05:17,640
uh I'm Gonna Keep wearing them and if

1471
01:05:22,250 --> 01:05:19,200
anybody doesn't like it

1472
01:05:24,710 --> 01:05:22,260
uh that's something I can't change right

1473
01:05:27,049 --> 01:05:24,720
John P Adventure says here it's still

1474
01:05:29,089 --> 01:05:27,059
ends summer not too cold but we have

1475
01:05:32,030 --> 01:05:29,099
turned on the fireplace four times just

1476
01:05:36,049 --> 01:05:32,040
to heat the living room a bit yeah I I

1477
01:05:37,250 --> 01:05:36,059
like fall John but unfortunately my

1478
01:05:39,829 --> 01:05:37,260
neighbor and I were just talking about

1479
01:05:43,069 --> 01:05:39,839
this at the cabin it went from 85 during

1480
01:05:45,710 --> 01:05:43,079
the day to 45 during the day in the

1481
01:05:51,730 --> 01:05:45,720
space of a week or two weeks it is there

1482
01:05:56,930 --> 01:05:54,530
which live stream has the drunk guy

1483
01:05:58,609 --> 01:05:56,940
falling over it's one of the panel shows

1484
01:06:01,010 --> 01:05:58,619
I could get it to you after the show

1485
01:06:04,630 --> 01:06:01,020
Sweet Caroline but I can't go digging

1486
01:06:09,170 --> 01:06:07,549
my flock is everywhere says

1487
01:06:11,089 --> 01:06:09,180
Stephen keep up the good work I'm

1488
01:06:13,250 --> 01:06:11,099
extremely proud of you well I thank you

1489
01:06:14,390 --> 01:06:13,260
and I'm glad for people being happy for

1490
01:06:16,250 --> 01:06:14,400
my uh

1491
01:06:21,530 --> 01:06:16,260
healthier lifestyle

1492
01:06:26,690 --> 01:06:24,829
yes and Anthony Peterson says I think

1493
01:06:28,370 --> 01:06:26,700
that this group is a great example of

1494
01:06:30,650 --> 01:06:28,380
how people can have different opinions

1495
01:06:38,890 --> 01:06:30,660
and exist together yeah we have a great

1496
01:06:43,670 --> 01:06:41,930
closed with glass fireplace yeah

1497
01:06:46,609 --> 01:06:43,680
I want to get a wood burner with a glass

1498
01:06:49,730 --> 01:06:46,619
front sometime that's all my list of

1499
01:06:51,410 --> 01:06:49,740
things for still to to get for the cabin

1500
01:06:53,329 --> 01:06:51,420
and who knows maybe I'll put the old

1501
01:06:56,390 --> 01:06:53,339
burner in another cabin I build right

1502
01:07:03,289 --> 01:06:56,400
you never know what's in store for the

1503
01:07:09,109 --> 01:07:06,770
John Uh Wood Mass says very late hope

1504
01:07:12,289 --> 01:07:09,119
you're okay yes no problem you can

1505
01:07:15,289 --> 01:07:12,299
listen through the replay we're doing a

1506
01:07:16,750 --> 01:07:15,299
discussion and a talk on being 120 days

1507
01:07:20,809 --> 01:07:16,760
sober

1508
01:07:23,029 --> 01:07:20,819
uh yeah so we're gonna

1509
01:07:26,150 --> 01:07:23,039
my friend who saw me watching you

1510
01:07:29,210 --> 01:07:26,160
immediately said Neo uh well maybe I'm

1511
01:07:31,250 --> 01:07:29,220
maybe I'm the Neo of the UFO alien

1512
01:07:34,970 --> 01:07:31,260
Matrix Anthony Peterson you never know

1513
01:07:40,609 --> 01:07:37,190
and Patty is mentioning she misses her

1514
01:07:43,190 --> 01:07:40,619
fireplace yeah I uh I would not live in

1515
01:07:45,829 --> 01:07:43,200
a home without a fireplace anymore we

1516
01:07:48,710 --> 01:07:45,839
have a big fireplace here with the big

1517
01:07:51,529 --> 01:07:48,720
uh wood burner with a blower and a glass

1518
01:07:54,589 --> 01:07:51,539
front love it here at my home and in the

1519
01:07:57,170 --> 01:07:54,599
cabin we have a a wood burner in each

1520
01:08:00,410 --> 01:07:57,180
room the kitchen has a wood cook stove

1521
01:08:03,410 --> 01:08:00,420
which you can bake things on and um and

1522
01:08:05,450 --> 01:08:03,420
it heats up the kitchen and uh

1523
01:08:08,329 --> 01:08:05,460
also the living room has the biggest

1524
01:08:10,069 --> 01:08:08,339
wood burner that we can put a fan and

1525
01:08:13,609 --> 01:08:10,079
heat the entire cabin

1526
01:08:16,729 --> 01:08:13,619
if we so choose to usually though I keep

1527
01:08:18,050 --> 01:08:16,739
it low and and just close the door to

1528
01:08:20,570 --> 01:08:18,060
the other rooms of the cabin that I

1529
01:08:22,130 --> 01:08:20,580
don't use much during the winter but we

1530
01:08:23,749 --> 01:08:22,140
can heat the whole cabin from the one in

1531
01:08:25,189 --> 01:08:23,759
the living room and even the sun room

1532
01:08:28,490 --> 01:08:25,199
has a little

1533
01:08:30,530 --> 01:08:28,500
uh wood burning stove in there so if I

1534
01:08:32,689 --> 01:08:30,540
want to hang out in the in the sun room

1535
01:08:35,090 --> 01:08:32,699
there's a wood burner in there and an

1536
01:08:39,309 --> 01:08:35,100
electric fireplace as well we like to

1537
01:08:41,749 --> 01:08:39,319
keep that place cooking keep it cozy

1538
01:08:44,950 --> 01:08:41,759
one of my favorite things in life is a

1539
01:08:47,749 --> 01:08:44,960
good fireplace and uh and a campfire

1540
01:08:50,150 --> 01:08:47,759
nobody in life ever said Gee I wish I

1541
01:08:54,050 --> 01:08:50,160
had spent less time in front of a good

1542
01:08:57,169 --> 01:08:54,060
fire right never doesn't happen

1543
01:08:58,669 --> 01:08:57,179
so uh we're gonna bounce on out of here

1544
01:09:01,970 --> 01:08:58,679
friends we're going to wrap things up

1545
01:09:04,309 --> 01:09:01,980
here but we do and I appreciate

1546
01:09:07,189 --> 01:09:04,319
everybody indulging me to go way off

1547
01:09:08,870 --> 01:09:07,199
topic occasionally for these uh sober

1548
01:09:10,249 --> 01:09:08,880
living updates because I think they

1549
01:09:12,289 --> 01:09:10,259
could be helpful to other people

1550
01:09:13,610 --> 01:09:12,299
similarly struggling struggling with

1551
01:09:16,249 --> 01:09:13,620
these issues

1552
01:09:18,530 --> 01:09:16,259
and um I want to be sure to say that I'm

1553
01:09:21,110 --> 01:09:18,540
no expert make sure that if you're

1554
01:09:23,390 --> 01:09:21,120
considering abstaining from alcohol you

1555
01:09:25,309 --> 01:09:23,400
first visit a medical professional who

1556
01:09:27,289 --> 01:09:25,319
specializes in these things I'm the

1557
01:09:29,030 --> 01:09:27,299
doctor don't listen to me listen to a

1558
01:09:31,130 --> 01:09:29,040
health professional before making any

1559
01:09:34,789 --> 01:09:31,140
decisions regarding

1560
01:09:37,729 --> 01:09:34,799
um your own situation but I will say

1561
01:09:39,590 --> 01:09:37,739
that if you are similarly struggling I'm

1562
01:09:41,150 --> 01:09:39,600
no expert but I'd be happy to talk to

1563
01:09:43,130 --> 01:09:41,160
you about what worked for me what didn't

1564
01:09:46,070 --> 01:09:43,140
work for me what challenges I thought I

1565
01:09:47,630 --> 01:09:46,080
faced and what benefits I have reaped

1566
01:09:50,090 --> 01:09:47,640
from doing it I would highly recommend

1567
01:09:50,749 --> 01:09:50,100
it to everybody to take uh four months

1568
01:09:54,350 --> 01:09:50,759
off

1569
01:09:56,630 --> 01:09:54,360
there's virtually no downside to it I I

1570
01:09:59,090 --> 01:09:56,640
don't see you know I have this huge list

1571
01:10:01,970 --> 01:09:59,100
of benefits and then on the downside I

1572
01:10:06,229 --> 01:10:01,980
have it may be increased insomnia and

1573
01:10:08,570 --> 01:10:06,239
anxiety from not drinking myself to

1574
01:10:10,790 --> 01:10:08,580
sleep every night and that's not really

1575
01:10:12,770 --> 01:10:10,800
a negative that's just an observation I

1576
01:10:15,350 --> 01:10:12,780
guess it's all positive it's all good

1577
01:10:18,650 --> 01:10:15,360
things my health has increased I'm

1578
01:10:22,090 --> 01:10:18,660
certain that my family life is better

1579
01:10:25,189 --> 01:10:22,100
um I hope hopefully my wife is happier

1580
01:10:28,669 --> 01:10:25,199
I'm handling more responsibilities and

1581
01:10:31,010 --> 01:10:28,679
doing more things and I think that

1582
01:10:34,430 --> 01:10:31,020
she knows now that I'm more dependable

1583
01:10:37,550 --> 01:10:34,440
than I was when I was still using and uh

1584
01:10:41,570 --> 01:10:37,560
drinking and being hungover constantly

1585
01:10:43,490 --> 01:10:41,580
I can't think very much of much of a

1586
01:10:45,770 --> 01:10:43,500
downside right

1587
01:10:48,910 --> 01:10:45,780
uh yes and Sweet Caroline says things

1588
01:10:51,470 --> 01:10:48,920
can only go up from here Stephen I agree

1589
01:10:53,030 --> 01:10:51,480
uh John Woodman says you're a good man

1590
01:10:56,149 --> 01:10:53,040
Stephen thankfully you're getting well

1591
01:10:57,709 --> 01:10:56,159
yeah and I hope to continue in that uh

1592
01:11:00,110 --> 01:10:57,719
in this site like I said I have

1593
01:11:03,169 --> 01:11:00,120
committed I'm doing two more months and

1594
01:11:05,890 --> 01:11:03,179
we'll see where that leads me uh and and

1595
01:11:08,930 --> 01:11:05,900
I want to thank everybody for their uh

1596
01:11:10,669 --> 01:11:08,940
uh Anthony Peterson says anxiety and

1597
01:11:12,590 --> 01:11:10,679
increased insomnia is a normal reaction

1598
01:11:16,250 --> 01:11:12,600
with sobriety just tell yourself that

1599
01:11:19,669 --> 01:11:16,260
yeah I have I I know and uh you know I'm

1600
01:11:21,229 --> 01:11:19,679
working on the insomnia part either I'm

1601
01:11:23,990 --> 01:11:21,239
working on the insomnia where I'm

1602
01:11:25,850 --> 01:11:24,000
working with it sometimes when I go I'm

1603
01:11:27,890 --> 01:11:25,860
so wired there's no way I'm sleeping for

1604
01:11:30,290 --> 01:11:27,900
five hours so then I go I'll go do

1605
01:11:32,030 --> 01:11:30,300
research for five hours uh or I'll work

1606
01:11:34,669 --> 01:11:32,040
on something for the show for five hours

1607
01:11:37,250 --> 01:11:34,679
so maybe that's a side benefit I'm

1608
01:11:39,890 --> 01:11:37,260
getting a lot more done here which feels

1609
01:11:41,709 --> 01:11:39,900
good right and Patty Wilhelm says

1610
01:11:45,890 --> 01:11:41,719
wishing you a peaceful rest of your day

1611
01:11:49,010 --> 01:11:45,900
good I could use that I had a pretty

1612
01:11:51,470 --> 01:11:49,020
pretty crazy day uh with my two boys

1613
01:11:54,350 --> 01:11:51,480
home from school today for yet another

1614
01:11:55,550 --> 01:11:54,360
holiday how many holidays do these kids

1615
01:11:58,490 --> 01:11:55,560
have

1616
01:12:01,010 --> 01:11:58,500
I I I don't get it it seems like every

1617
01:12:03,470 --> 01:12:01,020
week they have a day off or a half day

1618
01:12:05,330 --> 01:12:03,480
or something like that

1619
01:12:07,550 --> 01:12:05,340
um they're in school the rest of the

1620
01:12:08,390 --> 01:12:07,560
week near as I can tell so that's good

1621
01:12:10,250 --> 01:12:08,400
news

1622
01:12:13,130 --> 01:12:10,260
so we're going to bounce on out of here

1623
01:12:16,490 --> 01:12:13,140
I will be we will be back to our usual

1624
01:12:19,310 --> 01:12:16,500
coverage of the strange the esoteric the

1625
01:12:21,350 --> 01:12:19,320
mysterious starting tomorrow night 9 p.m

1626
01:12:24,649 --> 01:12:21,360
eastern time and I welcome you to be

1627
01:12:27,050 --> 01:12:24,659
here uh we broadcast live usually Monday

1628
01:12:30,050 --> 01:12:27,060
through Thursday 9 p.m and sometimes on

1629
01:12:32,270 --> 01:12:30,060
weekends if time permits

1630
01:12:34,850 --> 01:12:32,280
um we'll be doing at least three more

1631
01:12:36,169 --> 01:12:34,860
live shows this week and I welcome you

1632
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to be here

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I want to thank each and every one of

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our kind and generous benefactors our

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01:12:45,530 --> 01:12:43,080
PayPal supporters our channel members

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and those sending super chats and

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01:12:49,790 --> 01:12:47,880
pledges through PayPal you help make the

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show possible thank you all for kindness

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generosity and support and thank each

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and every one of you for joining us here

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for the live show especially tonight I

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understand many people uh for many

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people this is not on topic they don't

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they don't really uh want to tune in for

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01:13:08,270 --> 01:13:05,940
this but I still think this subject is

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important enough to give everybody an

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update on on those things and maybe help

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a few people that are similarly

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struggling so that's all I got for your

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friends until next time my name is

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01:13:21,350 --> 01:13:20,520
Stephen Camby and good night and God

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01:14:43,660 --> 01:13:21,360
bless all of you

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01:14:45,020 --> 01:14:43,670
[Music]

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[Applause]

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[Music]

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thank you

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[Music]

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01:16:28,920 --> 01:16:02,060
foreign

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[Music]

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01:17:16,550 --> 01:17:09,189
oh

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[Music]

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01:17:39,719 --> 01:17:42,840
foreign

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[Music]